Bleh

I am so tired. Thursday night, I worked till 8 pm, had to pick up some things afterwards, like dog food, so didn't get home till 9, came home to a pile of dishes in the sink, ugh. Cleaned up, then tried to relax, and go to bed since I had to be back at work for 4 am the next morning.

I laid down a little after ten, couldn't sleep, tossed and turned. I think I get worried that I won't hear the alarm when I have to get up so early. I finally started to doze, when around 11:30 Maggie started to howl and cry outside.

I got up and went outside to see what her problem was, she seemed fine, so I told her to hush and go lay down. She looked at me, went in her box, and quieted down.

My hands, wrists and ankles were hurting like a toothache, so I took an OTC pain reliever and went back to bed to toss and turn. I think I finally started dozing off when the alarm went off at 2 am.

I jumped up in panic, 'I'm UP, I'm UP!!!'

I stumbled out of bed, drank some coffee, got ready for work, and off I went, feeling like a wet dish rag all day, and 1 pm couldn't come fast enough.

I finally got home feeling totally exhausted and just wanted to go to sleep, but hubby was home so we sat and talked for a while, worked on our finances for the next couple of weeks, and then sat until about 5, when we both decided we were hungry.

We could have eaten some of the left over turkey.

Yuck.

We decided to go to the Chinese buffet, sounded good to me, he drove and I didn't have to cook.

After stuffing ourselves, we came home and went to bed, hubby to watch tv and me to fall into an exhausted sleep. Actually, I think I passed out cold.

At around 11 pm, hubby woke me saying something about the cops being next door. I really didn't care at first, but then curiosity got the better of me and I got up to be nosy.

There really was nothing interesting to see, two cop cars, lights flashing as they talked to the neighbor and his passenger in a car. The cops did take the passenger, who knows why?

We went back to bed then, I started dozing and hubby woke me again.

"What's that noise?"

There was a persistent noise in the basement, coming through the vents. At first I thought it was the cats, forgetting for a sleepy moment that they are gone.

After a while, the noise stopped, neither one of us willing to go down and check it out.

I soon fell asleep again, to dream that Noodles showed up, half starved and bedraggled. The noises in the basement must have conjured her in my dreams.

In my dream, I was feeding her and then cuddling her and telling her that no one was going to take her away from me again.

It was so real, that I woke up feeling empty and missing her so much.

And I don't feel rested at all.

I have to work tonight and tomorrow, then I am off Monday.

I am drinking my fourth cup of coffee still fighting the effects of drowsiness, which doesn't seem to be working.

Maybe after a shower I will feel better, and hopefully I will sleep better tonight.

And if my hubby wakes me up....

Old things pass away.

That statement is so true.

I was reading some of my posts in my old blog from Christmases past, waxing nostalgic, I suppose. Missing family and friends, missing snowy wintry mornings, the hustle and bustle of preparing for Christmas, the Pennsylvania mountains capped in snow.

And Noodles.


Last night, it hit me so hard that she is gone and I cried and cried, Boo heard me and came in my bedroom, sat behind me and wrapped her arms around me. Even with her own hurt and heartache, she wanted to comfort her mama.

Oh, I loved all the cats, but Noodles was so special, so unique in personality, that from the first moment I set eyes on her in the pet store, I was in love.

It was that little orange face.



Last night it hit me that she is really gone, maybe it was when I came home from work and she wasn't there, running across the yard to see me.



I think that if she had died naturally, it wouldn't be easy, but it would be a bit easier to accept.



The part that really hurts is that they took her away as if she had no value, as if she meant nothing. As if no one loved her.



But she was worth something, she was loved. And she is sorely missed.



I am working through my grief one day at a time, one prayer at a time. Some people may not understand the grief one feels at the loss of a beloved pet, but it is real, it is painful. She was part of my family, and every where I look there are memories, her laying in the kitchen window, dashing across the yard, rubbing against the dog.



I would tell her to give me some love, and she would jump on my lap and rub her face against mine, purring and happy.

Some day, I know that the hurt will ease, and I will be able to remember her with a smile, but for now, I grieve her loss.

In the meantime, I grasp onto the hope I have in Jesus, my greatest Comforter. Last night I had a dream that I was walking in a meadow, I was heartbroken and lonely and crying. I found a path that led to a beautiful valley and Jesus was there, just sitting there as if He was waiting for me. I went to my knees before Him and told Him that I wasn't worthy for Him to even look upon, but He lifted my face and looked at me and told me that He loved me. I cried at His feet, and He put His hand on my head.

Even in my dreams I seek Him.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.