Old things pass away.

That statement is so true.

I was reading some of my posts in my old blog from Christmases past, waxing nostalgic, I suppose. Missing family and friends, missing snowy wintry mornings, the hustle and bustle of preparing for Christmas, the Pennsylvania mountains capped in snow.

And Noodles.


Last night, it hit me so hard that she is gone and I cried and cried, Boo heard me and came in my bedroom, sat behind me and wrapped her arms around me. Even with her own hurt and heartache, she wanted to comfort her mama.

Oh, I loved all the cats, but Noodles was so special, so unique in personality, that from the first moment I set eyes on her in the pet store, I was in love.

It was that little orange face.



Last night it hit me that she is really gone, maybe it was when I came home from work and she wasn't there, running across the yard to see me.



I think that if she had died naturally, it wouldn't be easy, but it would be a bit easier to accept.



The part that really hurts is that they took her away as if she had no value, as if she meant nothing. As if no one loved her.



But she was worth something, she was loved. And she is sorely missed.



I am working through my grief one day at a time, one prayer at a time. Some people may not understand the grief one feels at the loss of a beloved pet, but it is real, it is painful. She was part of my family, and every where I look there are memories, her laying in the kitchen window, dashing across the yard, rubbing against the dog.



I would tell her to give me some love, and she would jump on my lap and rub her face against mine, purring and happy.

Some day, I know that the hurt will ease, and I will be able to remember her with a smile, but for now, I grieve her loss.

In the meantime, I grasp onto the hope I have in Jesus, my greatest Comforter. Last night I had a dream that I was walking in a meadow, I was heartbroken and lonely and crying. I found a path that led to a beautiful valley and Jesus was there, just sitting there as if He was waiting for me. I went to my knees before Him and told Him that I wasn't worthy for Him to even look upon, but He lifted my face and looked at me and told me that He loved me. I cried at His feet, and He put His hand on my head.

Even in my dreams I seek Him.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.

Drawing closer to God

Last night I talked to my DIL for quite a while, she felt a little better yesterday, but she described feelings of anger and loss. A normal reaction.

But she is immersing herself in the Word of God, she is looking for answers.

JP took his family to church on Sunday, knowing that they needed to be with the people of God.

Tragedy can so often drive us away from God, we see this often, and there have been times in my own life when I allowed that to happen, letting myself become embittered and angry, blaming God for my problems.

But turning to Him in times of sorrow, can bring us closer to Him, opening our hearts to experience His full all encompassing love, compassion, and mercy.

I believe God uses the hard things in our lives to draw us closer to Him, if we just turn and seek Him.

But too often we only turn to Him when things are bad, we must not forget to worship and praise Him in the good times also.

I love to read the Psalms, and recurring theme I find awesome in the Psalms of David particularly, is that he always gave God the glory, no matter the circumstances. David was often depressed, lonely, and frightened. Enemies pursued him, surrounded him, wanting to take his life. But even in the midst of all these things, he always praised God.

We can not know fully God's mind, he is beyond our mere human understanding, but we can know and accept that He is a just God, that He knows us better than we know ourselves, that He is faithful, even when we are weak, that He is compassionate when we are suffering.

My son and DIL suffered a loss of a child, and who can understand better such a loss than God?

I grieve the grandchild that was lost, but even so, I rest in the presence of my Lord, I find comfort in Him, and I have not lost the peace and joy that has been given me through His grace.

And that is my fervent prayer for my children.


James 4
8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Grandparents grieve too.

Today, it's really hit me hard, I cried in church, I cried at work, and I am still crying.

JP called me in desperation, wanting Bible verses to help his wife. He loves her so much, and the loss of their baby is devastating.

I found some verses that I hope will help, but then I in turn, called my Pastor's wife, who is a grief counselor.

I broke down in tears again.

And she said something interesting, that I, as a grandparent have been hit with grief twice. I not only lost my grandchild, I hurt because my child hurts.

And there is really nothing I can do or say to make his hurt less or his wife's hurt less. I can only love and support them, and share in their grief.

A lot of people minimize a miscarriage, mostly because secular society doesn't always agree that a fetus is a real child.

I beg to differ.

Miscarriage is a real loss. It was a real baby.

God's word says in Psalm 139

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

God knew that child from the moment of conception, and all of that child's days were ordained.

And a joyfully expectant mother loves the child that is forming inside her.

I remember when I conceived my son. I knew the moment I had conceived. Two weeks later, I was sure. Another two weeks went by and it was confirmed.

As young as I was, as scared as I was, I was more terrified of losing him. He laid under my heart, developing and growing for nine months, how could I not love him? He was a part of me.

Today, he is a grown man, a husband and father, and now a grieving father who is trying so hard to hold his family together, to help his wife through this, to be the strong one.

When he called me Friday morning, he was crying so hard that it broke this mother's heart.

If I could take his tears I would. If I could take his hurt I would. If I could take his lost child's place, I would.

But I can't, I am helpless and I am grieving.

I have decided that it's ok to grieve this loss.

It's real, it's painful.

And I am not alone.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.

Prayer request

Please pray for my son, JP and his wife, Jenn.

Jenn lost the baby.

They are devastated.

And I am heartbroken for them.

I know that we can't always see God's purposes, but He is faithful, and all things work for the good of those who love Him.

Even the harsh things, even the sad things, even this.

To my unborn grandchild,

I love you Baby, even though I will never hold you, I will never play with you, or count your fingers and toes.

But I know that you are in God's arms and that you are loved more than I can I say with mere words.

Your parents miss you, they cry over the loss of you, as do I, but you have a Heavenly Father who can and will love you forever.

Someday, when I get where you are, I will be able to love you and hug you like I long to do. But in the meantime, you have a great grandmom, and a great great grandmom there who will step in, until I get there.

You also have a cousin there baby, who you can play with, so I know with such a wonderful family, that you are safe.

And I know you are in a place of complete Joy.

You will never face hardship and heartache, you will never suffer loss as we do, and for that, I am thankful.

I love you, Baby.

Mommom