Changes Again!

It seems I can't enough of change.

So I putzed around this morning, and changed my background.

What do you all think?

Christmas is coming. I love Christmas.

There are a few things I want to add here, but I don't have the time today.

I need to cook.

Today is Thanksgiving.

Oh, I know it was really on Thursday, I am not that dumb. But since I had to work, and DT and Boo were off to do their own things, then I am having it today.

I really do need to get off here, I have a lot to do.

Sweep the floor, finish laundry, run to the store, stuff the bird, and you know, all that fun stuff.

Later this afternoon, Crystal is coming to join us, Boo and her beau will be here, and DT and his friend are planning to arrive sometime this afternoon, if they can drag themselves from the woods.

I am ok today, as upset as I was yesterday with the loss we had, I have God filling me up, and I have so much to be thankful for.

And besides, that child must have been very special indeed since God took him or her home.

That gives me comfort.

I still have all my wonderful children, my SIL and DIL, and five sweet grandchildren.

I have my four sisters and a brother. My Dad and my Grandma.

A plethora of other family members.

Two best friends.

And my dear sweet husband who when he heard about the baby being lost, insisted that he is coming home early to be with me.

I have my God who strengthens me, Who loves me beyond measure, Who guides me along my path, Who carries me when I am weak, and Who has given me so much to be thankful for.

Even though part of my heart is saddened by the loss of a grandchild, I come before God with a grateful heart, my heart is full with His love, peace and joy.

Changes Part 2

Sometimes change is hard to deal with, sometimes we resist changing something about ourselves, or we are not happy with changes around us.

We become stuck in a rut, and we like it there, because we feel safe in familiar territory.

OK, we may feel safe, but there are hazards to resisting change.

We can become narrow minded for one thing, we want things the way WE want them, and it doesn't matter what someone else thinks.

There is no challenge in staying in the same place, we limit our potential for learning and growth.

Sometimes, though we may resist, God pushes in a direction we do not want to go, and our world will change forever. It shakes us up, wakes us up, and we change in ways we didn't expect or didn't think we even needed.

Imagine what would happen if a mother robin didn't push her babies from the nest. They would end up crippled, unable to leave and stuck there, unable to even feed themselves until they slowly starved to death. Not a pretty picture.

The mother pushes the baby out of the nest for a purpose, so they can learn how to fly!

That's what God does to us, He pushes us from our own self made nests.

Thank God He does!

When I lived in Pennsylvania, for the last few years there, I really felt stuck. Oh, I had my family, I had my home, a job, friends. But I was in a rut, with no direction, no real life, just existing day in and day out. In some ways I felt like I was suffocating with boredom, in other ways I felt starved. I didn't know what I was longing for though, something unnamed, something that I couldn't see.

Then something big happened.

God pushed me out of my nest. And I landed here in N. Carolina.

I admit it, I didn't want to move here. Even though my heart longed for something more in my life, I was so used to my rut, I was safe in my rut, I didn't have to force myself to make hard decisions, I could stay in my shy little shell, and just exist.

But God wanted more for me.

And my life has been changed.

Ironically, when I was in that rut, even though a big part of me wanted to stay there, I also prayed for whatever was missing.

God answered that in a big way.

My life has changed. I don't think I would have grown and changed in the ways I have if I would have remained there.

When we did arrive here, I was so scared. I didn't know anyone at all, I didn't have a job, I got lost on several occasions trying to find my way around town, which was really scary since I didn't know anyone I could call for help or directions.

But over the course of the last twenty months, God has really worked in my life.

Of course, I have had a lot of bad moments. Not too long ago, I wrote a post on my previous blog which reflected all my doubts, all my fears, my loneliness, my depression, everything.

Yesterday, in church someone stated (because of something that happened in the church which I will get to in my next post), that when a spiritual awakening is about to happen, satan gets shook up and opposes it in one form or another.

Satan was bombarding me with all kinds of bad thoughts and feelings.

But the harder he lambasted me, the more I turned to God, the more I prayed in desperation. I prayed so hard, I think my knees bled. I cried out to God, and when I didn't have words, the Spirit cried out for me.

And I was rescued from despair.

God doesn't want us to stay in the same place, He wants us to learn how to fly. He wants us to grow and learn, He wants us to use all our gifts and talents to our full potential.

And I don't think He is done with me yet!

Who knows where He may lead me next?

But now I know that I can embrace change, it's not the bad thing that so many make it out to be.

Changes Part 1

I haven't just changed my blog.

I've changed.

But it's not a work that I did myself. God has done the work, I am simply the clay and He is the Potter.

Lately, I have felt some things just falling away from me. As I strive with a willingness to follow Him, I am changing.

And yes, they are good changes.

Of course, I haven't just sat back and waited for some miracoulous change to over come me, I willingly surrendered my life, my WHOLE life to God.

I stand on His promises, I pray without ceasing, I worship, I am convicted, and I am learning to love others.

Worry and fear and stress have been a dark cloud over my life, depression dogged my foot steps. For a long time I felt as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders.

In Matthew 11, it says:
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I have read this and heard this passage hundreds of times, yet never quite understood it.

Until now.

I am no longer burdened by the worries of this world. I went to Jesus and He has given me rest in my soul.

My heart is no longer heavy laden, it has been lightened.

No, my problems haven't magically gone away.

My mortgage is still late, bills are still piled up, Boo has a lot of needs, DT is still working alot, as am I.

And yes, we are both tired.

I am tired physically, but my soul is WIDE AWAKE and BURSTING with the JOY OF THE LORD!!!

The worry and fear of our financial woes has fallen away.

God will provide! I know this is true, and I have chosen to trust Him in ALL things.

I have changed.

I refuse to wallow in self pity. I push envy and selfish ambition away.

For I discovered something, it's NOT ALL ABOUT ME, it's ALL ABOUT HIM!

I am not entitled to anything, and everything I do have is a wondrous gift from God.

My family, my job, my home, my friends, my church, even my pets!

I now come before Him with a grateful heart, and each day I am humbled because of what He has done for me.

He has covered me with His Grace. He has shown me mercy when I deserved none. He has loved me unconditionally, even when I was whining and fretting, even when I was at my worst!

Just as He loves you and you and even you, yes, YOU!

It's ok that my readership has seemlingly declined, it's ok that I don't get comments like I used to.

What matters is that someone somewhere out there may some day read my words and find the peace and joy that I have.

As many of you know, I have gone through many struggles, many trials, and big changes.

Many of my struggles were mental and spiritual, many of those struggles are gone.

I am still a work in progress, I am still finding my way through a whole set of things, I am learning and growing. I am studying and praying. I am striving to be who God wants me to be.

Most of all I am trusting Him, something I had a problem with for a long time.

How can I not trust Him? He died for me so that I may live!

Hallelujah!!!

Moved

Yep, I did it.

Why?

A lot of reasons.

But mostly because I just wanted to start over, change, make things different.

I am a woman after all, and that's my perogative.

I know I haven't been around much lately, I've had bad moments, but I made it through, with God's help.

I have settled a lot of things in my heart and my head recently putting in a lot of thought and prayer in the process.

In the last week or so, I began feeling something, something miracoulous, a sense of peace.

Financially, little has changed, although I am thankful that things haven't gotten worse. My marriage is still hanging in there, and I suppose things could be worse.

But, even though things haven't really changed in my world, I find that I am changing, and it's all good.

I change, my blog changes.

I actually feel Joyful, not because things have changed, but because I am looking more and more to God.

I am on a new journey and learning to embrace the Light.

Welcome, and I hope you all join me in my new journey.

Love and Hugs,

Deni