Prayer Warrior

Prayer is so important in my life and I find myself praying throughout the day, in the shower, in the car, at work. When I hear of someone who is hurting, who has problems I immediately pray.

The funny thing about prayer is that the more you do it, the more you want to do it.

I get a daily message in my email of God's promises. Yesterday's had an interesting quote about prayer.

When we don't pray, we quit the fight.
Prayer keeps the Christian's armor bright.
And Satan trembles when he sees
The weakest saint upon his knees. WILLIAM COWPER

Daily prayer makes us stronger, in our faith, in our daily walk, and against the temptations of the world.

I am learning to include praise in my prayers, no matter what circumstances I am in. I praise Him because I know he hears and has already answered even if I don't see the answer right away. I praise Him in my prayers because it is pleasing to Him.

I have a little sister. She is truly my baby sister being fifteen years younger than me. She is not a Christian. She has a an eight year old daughter.

Three years ago, as she sat in her car waiting for a light to change, a moving truck rear ended her vehicle. It hit her so hard the trunk of her car was in her backseat.

God must have been watching out for them, her little girl who was just five at the time was in the back seat and didn't have a scratch on her.

My little sister however suffered major back damage to the point where the doctors had to cauterize the nerves in her back just to relieve the pain.

She has a law suit pending, and she is hinging all her hopes on it.

In the meantime, her common law husband left her. She hasn't worked since the accident, she has no money to pay bills, her rent hasn't been paid for five months, the gas company will be turning off her heat, and on and on.

Overwhelmed, and on anti depressants, she went out drinking to try and numb herself of the reality that has become her life.

She had a breakdown. The police took her to the hospital.

Her daughter was at a baby sitter's, but now she is in the foster care system, placed with my older sister who is trying to forge her way through the reams of paperwork in order to keep her.

My niece is traumatized to say the least.

Little sis is home but the problems are still there.

I spoke to her last night after praying all day that God would give me words.

I didn't want to be preachy or judgemental.

'I have been where you are at, and drinking is not the answer.'

'I know.'

'I don't want to lecture you, but you have to see that this has made things worse.'

'You're right.'

'I know you hate hearing this, but I am telling you anyway because I love you, that I AM praying for you.'

I am not praying that God will fix her finances or miraculously make all her problems go away, I am praying for her heart to be opened up to God and for her to turn to Him.

Being a Christian doesn't mean all of our problems magically disappear, they don't.

Being a Christian means we have Someone to turn to who will help us through all that life has to throw at us.

Previously I mentioned my own breakdown in 2000.

At the time I was depressed, suicidal, conflicted, hurting.

I sat on the side of my bed with a .38 special in my hand wanting so bad to end my misery.

As you can see, God brought me through that time.

The following years were anything but easy, and I often wavered back and forth between following God and following myself.

It has only been in the last year that I made a real commitment to God and I can honestly say that as my journey brings me closer and closer to God each day, my heart becomes lighter and lighter.

I still have bad moments, sad moments, hard times physically, emotionally and spiritually, but I also realized that satan wants me to stay down and that is when I pray.

A very smart man I know, a pastor and book author and lecturer said something in a sermon once that I remember to this day.

'Any renewed determination to obey God results in opposition (from satan).'

I have that written in my Bible.

There is a battle going on, a battle for our souls.

One weapon God has equipped us with is prayer.

I am praying.

Will you be a Prayer Warrior too?

I Can

Philippians 4
10I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

In this letter to the Philippians, Paul writes that he has learned to be content in whatever circumstances he was in. He spent much time in prison, but even from prison he continued to work for God.

How often we are not content with our own circumstances. I think about how often the Israelites grumbled and complained to God, and I realize that we are no different.

The Israelites even complained about the manna God sent them from Heaven so they would not starve in the wilderness.

I realize that I do my own share of whining to God, just because I think that things shouldn't be this way, because like the Israelites who tired of eating manna every day for forty years, I get tired of living paycheck to paycheck and struggling financially.

But I have realized something, my situation is the consequences of bad financial choices in the past, just as the Israelites choices resulted in them wandering in the wilderness for forty years, a whole generation never able to enter into the Promised Land.

For a long time I prayed for God to rescue us from this mess, maybe I expected some kind of major miracle, like a big fat check to suddenly arrive in the mail. I wanted it handed to me, as if I deserved it.

But sometimes God wants us to learn from our mistakes and He doesn't answer the way we want Him too.

Hubby said something a while back about this, he said that we made this mess and God wants us to work to get out of it.

In the above passage it also says 'I can do everything through Him who gives me strength'.

This tells me that even if I have to work to fix this mess, He will sustain me. When I feel weak, like I just can't go on one more day, He is there, holding me up and lending me His strength.

Yesterday I had a bad moment, and I ended up crying in the car and crying out to God, 'I give up, Lord! I just can't do it anymore!'

But when I think about it, really think about it, I realize that things could be worse, have been worse and the pile of bills is slowly getting smaller.

There are others in way worse situations than I am in. Yes, I am late on my mortgage, but there are others who don't have a home to live in. My daughter needs to see the eye doctor and get new contacts but there are others who are blind. I need a new heating system in my house, but my house is warm with the portable heaters and there are people who freeze to death. I may not always have a lot of food, but there are others who have no food at all. I can't afford to buy new clothes, but there are others wearing rags. I lay in bed at night and wake frequently from the pain from arthritis, but there are people who have worse pain than mine. I sometimes get angry with my husband, but there are others who are totally alone. I miss my family, but others don't have families to miss. I am not happy with my job, but so many others are unemployed.

I need to be thankful for the blessings I do have because in so many ways I am richer than many others. Not just financially but in family, in friends, in my church, spiritually and physically. I have my health, my abilities, and my talents. And most importantly, I have God, my Father who loves me and cares for me even when I don't deserve it.

I need to be content.

Lord, help me to be content.

Desires of the heart.

Lately, I have taken notice of something in church.

That there are quite a few married women who attend church week after week without our husbands.

Yes, myself included.

In the year 2000, things were really bad between my husband and I. It's a long story that I don't want to rehash, so simply put, we separated for a while, I had a major break down, he wasn't much better, and when we reconciled we earnestly sought the Lord.

We began attending church, even taking marriage classes at church, we prayed together, read the Bible together, and I have never felt such intimacy with my husband as I did during that time. Even though it was during the worst storm of my life, it was a major turning point for us. It was the best time in our marriage.

But then something happened, slowly at first, almost imperceptibly we started to wander away from church, we stopped praying together, we stopped reading together, we stopped talking about the things of God.

We just stopped.

Eight years later, I now attend church by myself, I read my Bible by myself, I pray by myself.

But the desire of my heart is for him to be there with me.

However, a realization came over me as I prayed about it, and a question reverberated through me that just wouldn't go away.

Do I want him to go to church for him or for me? Am I really concerned about his soul or about what I want and need?

I came to this realization after the Christmas Eve service.

God wasn't moving fast enough for me, so I took things in my own hands, with disastrous results.

Around Thanksgiving, I had found out that the church was having a Christmas Eve service, so taking the opportunity I asked my husband if he would like to go with me.

To my immense joy, he said yes.

Then Christmas Eve came.

Suddenly, he had nothing to wear, which isn't true, he has a closet full of dress clothes from our church going days.

I felt like he was making excuses not to go. I became upset and angry and told him if he didn't want to go he should have just told me to begin with instead of saying yes.

And I cried.

He then started insisting that he was going.

I told him I didn't want him to go, that I didn't want to force him.

But I lied, I wanted him to go, and yes, I was hurt, but I used my own hurt and tears to manipulate him into going.

My selfish wants and needs came rearing up, God wasn't working the way I wanted Him to, so I took it upon myself to manipulate things the way I wanted them to go.

We went to church.

He was bored.

The service, which I am disappointed to say was not what it was the year before. Last year they had a lovely candlelight service with beautiful music and a great sermon.

This year, no candlelight, and the service was totally different even compared to a regular service. The sermon wasn't preached by our regular Pastor, and even I have to admit, it was boring and hard to follow.

Afterwards, he told me it was the worst church service he had ever been too, he got nothing out of it at all, and he implied that I should never ask him to go again.

Instead of waiting on God to move in my husband's heart, I messed up royally.

In forcing the issue, I pushed him farther away.

Every week, I see couples in church, couples not only obviously in love with each other, but in love with God.

This is an area where the sin of envy can be a real problem for me.

I want what they have.

I had it once, and I resent the loss of it.

I am a child of God, but my human nature often stands in the way of surrendering certain things to God.

Last night, through the conversation with my friend Crystal, I was convicted. It was nothing she said, it was what I said. I told her what I need to learn for myself, to wait on God.

And I thought, I am telling her this, but do I do it myself? Do I wait?

No, I am often impatient, I want things my way, I want them now or even sooner.

There is nothing wrong with desiring spiritual intimacy with my husband. God has created us to desire intimacy with our spouses, from the time of Adam and Eve.

God told Eve in Genesis that your desire will be for your husband.

I think He meant much more than the physical desire, but desire for a true and lasting closeness, a spiritual oneness that only comes when we have a personal relationship with God together.

I long for my husband to share my beliefs and faith, I long to journey with him towards God, learning together, striving together, being united as only God can unite two people.

My husband does believe in God, but I don't know where he stands, I don't know where his heart is, I don't know about his faith or if he truly has it.

But God knows.

Just as He knows the desires of my heart, and even if I haven't seen the results of my prayers, He has already answered me.

And He is telling me to wait.

Sometimes waiting is the hardest thing to do.

Pride Goeth Before A Fall

The other day I submitted an article to a writing contest.


The article was on the subject, 'What Makes A Christian Different Than Anyone Else?'


I really don't think I will win. For one thing, I really struggled while writing it, the words didn't flow as smoothly as when I write here or personally.


Afterwards I wondered why, and then I realized it was because for that article, I wasn't writing for God, I wasn't writing to glorify Him, I was focused on the $1,000.00 prize.


Today I looked at my article on the site I submitted it to, http://www.faithvine.com/, and even though I know that it is very doubtful I will win, not because of my writing per se, considering that even though it's not my best, it's not really bad writing either, but one mistake I made was not giving it a title that stood out, it's the same or nearly so than most of the submissions.


Why is this a problem? Because it's based on reader's votes, and if my title doesn't stand out, then the chances of it being read are very random.


As I browsed through the articles, I atomically clicked on the titles that caught my interest.


And if I do that then surely others will too.


It's ok though. Although winning would be nice, it was a learning experience.


For a long time, I was writing things that weren't exactly wholesome, I was writing for me, and I surely wasn't being blessed because of it.


And then something happened to me, inside. It bothered me, my soul groaned, and after a time I found that I wasn't able to write much at all.


I started praying about it, and after a time I decided that if my writings didn't reflect God, if my writings weren't honoring God and edifying to others, then I shouldn't be writing.

The following verses kept reverberating through me, and I realized that I wasn't thinking about the pure, lovely, noble things of God, but I was thinking and writing for my own purposes, and as a result, I didn't have peace about it.

Philippians 4
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Verse 9 really is a potent command and promise, if we put the good things of God into practice then He will be with us.

And what does the word 'practice' mean? It means striving to get something right, to do it over and over until it's flawless or nearly so.

When I wrote that article, I was selfishly motivated, not God motivated, as is so often the case. I focused on not only the money, but on getting noticed, looking for accolades, for commendation, distinction and honor, for myself.

I let pride get in the way. Pride in my own abilities, and we all know that pride is a stumbling block.

God doesn't want us to be prideful, if we boast, we should boast of the things God does through us, not on our own abilities or actions, because without God those things mean nothing.

1 Corinthians
30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

Jeremiah 9
23 This is what the LORD says:
"Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom
or the strong man boast of his strength
or the rich man boast of his riches,
24 but let him who boasts boast about this:
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,"
declares the LORD.

This new year seems to be starting off as a year of lessons. As I reflect more on God and less on myself, I am learning something daily.

Gifts

My Dad has been telling me for several years now that he is giving me a thousand dollars.

Someday, in the year two thousand and never.

Ya see, my Dad is a promise maker, but after many, many years of broken promises, I take everything he says with a grain of salt.

He may have the best of intentions, but he never follows through.

So on Saturday, I actually received a Christmas card from him.

In shock, I quickly opened it.

Hubby watched me then started laughing as I took the opened the envelope, glanced in the card, then shook the envelope upside down.

'Still looking for that thousand dollars?'

'Course I am! Do you think MY Dad would lie?' I said, giggling.

Hubby just rolled his eyes.

In exaggerated disgust I tossed the obviously empty envelope on the table.

But really, I am just glad he thought of me, over the years, cards, letters and even phone calls have been rare things. Visits even rarer. I haven't seen my Dad in 13 years, and as for calls, I usually call him.

I want a relationship with my Dad, of course I do, especially since he was out of my life as a child.

And he is my Dad, and despite his faults, I do love him.

I have a Dad who is imperfect in his humanness, as we all are.

I accept that, he will never be the father I always lacked and always longed for. When other little girls were being tucked into bed by doting fathers, I was crying myself to sleep.

Over the years, and through the tears, I learned to turn to my real Father. One who will never break a promise, will never abandon me, will never hurt me. One who will wipe away my tears, hold me close, and give me comfort.

He is truly the Father of the fatherless.

Today is Christmas Eve, and on this day many people the world over anticipate receiving gifts. Fancy gifts, expensive gifts, homemade gifts, thoughtfully picked out gifts, weird gifts, unappreciated gifts, even ugly gifts or useless gifts that will be re gifted somewhere down the road.

But after a while, those gifts become meaningless, empty, broken and eventually forgotten and discarded.

However, there is a gift that has been bestowed upon us that will never fall apart, will never rot or rust and will never wear out.

A gift that man has anticipated since the beginning of time.

John 1
The Word Became Flesh

1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2He was with God in the beginning.

3Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4In him was life, and that life was the light of men. 5The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

6There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. 7He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. 8He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. 9The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.

10He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. 11He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 12Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— 13children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.

14The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

15John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.' " 16From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. 17For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. 18No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only,who is at the Father's side, has made him known.


On this day we celebrate His birth, but the truth goes farther, to His death that redeems us, to His rising to the right hand of the Father, and ultimately to His return to gather His own to Him.

On this day we should anticipate not only the celebration of His birth, but the promise of that great and glorious day of His return.

Although it would have been nice, I didn't receive money from my dad, that's ok, it would have only lasted for as long as it took me to spend it.

I have received a much greater gift than money, an eternal gift, the Gift of His Son, Mighty God, Lord of Lords, Emmanuel, God with us, Alpha and Omega, The Word, Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace.

Jesus Christ, my Savior and the Savior of the world.

Expect the Unexpected.

In a couple days it will be Christmas, and when I think about the real meaning of this day, I become awestruck.

In the days of Christ's birth, the Israelites were under Roman oppression. They kept watching and hoping for the Messiah, but what they expected in the Messiah was not what they got.

They expected Him to come save them from oppression in a blaze of glory. They expected Him to be a mighty warrior who would lead them into victorious battle against their oppressors.

What they got, what we got was a little baby. A baby born in a lowly manner, to a young girl, and laid in a manger. He wasn't born in a palace surrounded by riches and servants.

Jesus did come to save us from oppression, but not the kind of oppression that the Israelites suffered, it wasn't our physical bodies that He came to save, it was our very souls. He came to save us from the oppression of sin.

Sin which separates us from God.

He came to save us from eternal death.

He came to free us from oppression of the soul, so we can enjoy true freedom under the banner of God's love.

From His lowly birth to His gruesome death, He accomplished His goal, and it wasn't in the manner that we as humans would have expected from God.

He didn't send a soldier, He sent a Shepherd,
He didn't send a rich man, He sent a poor man,
He didn't send a powerful man, He sent a merciful man,
He didn't come to destroy, but to heal,
He didn't come to condemn, but to redeem,
He was born so that He would die,
He died, so that we may live.




A Strange Way To Save The World


Two thousand years ago, there was no room in the inn for Him, but there is room in our hearts if we just let Him in.

Changes AGAIN!!

Yep, I've been messing around with my template, so bear with me, cuz it may change again. Who knows?

I came across that pic and really liked it, I tried it with my title, and didn't like it, so for now, sans title and description.

I had a terrible couple days at work, stress levels are high, customers are zeroing in on bargains and it has become a shopping frenzy.

I was supposed to be off today, but we are short staffed and the manager took advantage of my good nature, and I was going in for 5:30 am. Yuck. I was supposed to leave at 2:30, yeah right. I was stuck there till 3:30. I told one of my co-workers, I am stuck in Wally World and I can't get out!!!

My boss then asked me if I could work tomorrow.

Ok, I am NOT that much of a door mat, and I actually, for the first time since I have been there told her no, NO, NO!!!

Tomorrow will be my one day off till Christmas Eve, I have a terrible cold, I am terribly tired, and really need a day to relax, a day to spend with God, and refresh my weary body and soul.

Last night at work was terrible and I ended up crying to one of the big managers no less, sobbing in frustration.

It was horrible and embarrassing, and I went in today with trepidation and of course, EVERYONE KNOWS.

I am hoping the rumor mill moves on quickly to the next person. Not that I wish gossip and harm on anyone, I don't, I just don't want all that attention on me.

It's been a very long couple of weeks, there has been heartache and stress, and tomorrow, I am going to just take time to pray.

That is what I really need.

Wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.

There was an incident this morning that made me think of this verse.

Boo had asked me to go to McDonald's this morning before school, I haven't had time to do my weekly grocery shopping so I really don't have anything quick to make for breakfast.

So off I went while she got ready for school.

On the way, a woman in a white car cut me off.

Fine, I guess she was in a hurry.

She turned into MickeyD's ahead of me and went to the drive through so she was right ahead of me.

I was distracted for a moment and when I looked up, she was giving me the finger.

I have no idea why, since she was the one who cut me off and I didn't even respond to it.

I just ignored her, I find that it's better to just ignore the actions of nasty, mean people.

The worst part was that she had her young children in the car.

What an epitome of good parenting, right?

Afterwards, this verse came to my mind, and I realized that what is in the heart comes out in personality and actions. I then said a prayer for this unknown woman.

I pray that my actions will always reflect what God has done in my heart. And if I don't, then I pray that God will convict me so that I will do better.

I always believed that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

I remember an incident a number of years ago. During one holiday season, right before Thanksgiving, I was working in a book store. A woman came to the counter to make her purchase and she wrote a check. The store's policy was that we needed to see their driver's license when someone wrote a check. Apparently this woman had a problem with that, and just started reading the number off to me. I said, 'I am sorry, ma'am, but store policy says I need to actually see your license.' Angrily, she threw her license at me.

I calmly punched in the numbers and handed her licence back to her and finished the transaction. When I handed her the bag and receipt, I smiled brightly and said, 'Have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!'

She was quite taken aback, because after all, why would someone she was so rude to be nice back?

Romans 12:20
On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."

Some days it is really hard to be nice to others, especially during the holidays when people seem even worse than usual. But maybe that person is having a particularly hard time, maybe they are going through a divorce, their child is in trouble, problems at work or unemployment, or even a death in the family. We have no way of knowing.

Sometimes, all that person needs is a smile and a kind word.

And a prayer.

We may not know that person and their needs, but God does.

We may have a hard time loving the unlovely, but then we aren't always so lovely either, and God doesn't have a problem loving all people, lovely or not.

Maybe we need to learn to look at people through God's eyes.

Trials

James 1:2-4
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:12
12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.


Being a Christian does not guarantee a perfect, problem free life. Although many people believe so, then they are disappointed that it isn't so.



James wrote the passage above knowing that we would face many trials. We suffer through things as many others do, but there is a difference.



As a Christian, we have a God who provides us with the things we need to get through the tough times. And we can claim the power of Christ as we struggle and muddle through. He has provided us with powerful tools, if we only are willing to use them.




The things we suffer open us up to a greater faith, faith not in ourselves or our own abilities, but faith in a God who loves us. Faith is a gift from God, and when our faith is refined and strengthened through our reliance on God, our lives become a testimony to others.

Prayer, which is more than a cry for help, it is direct communication with God. And when we pray we should always have the attitude of praise, thanksgiving and worship no matter what we are going through.

Through prayer, we develop a closer more intimate relationship with our Creator as we continually turn to Him. He allows us to go through these things so that we will turn to Him. Often we have a tendency to turn away, those are the times He keeps pushing us down until we are on our knees. He even allows are hearts to be broken, oftentimes over and over again, until our hearts are wide open to His love.


There are two things which He gifts us with so that our burdens are easier to bear.

Hope, even a small flicker of hope can grow and burn brighter and brighter. Hope for what is yet to come. Hope for tomorrow. Hope for an eternal inheritance as co-heirs with Christ. Hope for the day when all sorrow will no longer be, when all tears are wiped away and all hearts are healed of brokenness. Hope that there will be a day when all sickness and disease no longer exists, when all sin is vanquished and we will be perfect beings reflecting God's glory.

We also have peace. Peace that comes from the knowledge that God is always with us, during good times and bad. Peace in knowing that He does not forsake the ones He loves. Peace in the promise of what is to come, that all this will pass away, but His promise and His love never will.

James tells us to persevere during the testing of our faith, this doesn't mean we don't suffer, or grieve or cry, it doesn't mean that we need to be strong, we can't in and of ourselves. Our strength lies in the Power of God's love, in the hope that is ours through the Power of Christ's sacrifice, and through the peace that He gives us in the knowledge that He is in control, and through our faith in the One who longs for a deeper relationship with us.

Through loss and grief, we gain love, peace, hope, joy, maturity, strength and a closer walk with God and in the process our God is glorified!

Today was a GOOD day!

Oh it started out a little rough, I got up early not really wanting to, made my coffee and sat for a bit to wake up.

I took my shower, and I really need to start getting my clothes ready for church the night before.

I took out my beautiful green sweater dress, a thrift shop find, and ironed it, only to discover that the hem has fallen out.

I thought I would just tack it up quick, but of course a sewing needle was not to be found, not in my sewing machine, or even the pin cushion or even in my cross stitch stuff. Now I know I have needles, but where they may be is another story.

So I ironed my black velvet that DT bought me quite a few years back.

After doing my hair and makeup, I was running a little late, but I made it to church in time.

They made an announcement that they were still looking for singers for the choir.

Singers or would be singers were to see the music minister for a CD and book after services.

I said to Crystal, 'So you gonna drag me up there to sign up?'

'Nope, although I would like to, it's up to you, but you should just take the plunge and go for it.'

'This is a scary plunge.'

'Yep, but if you fall, Jesus will catch you.'

She is right, of course.

So I took the plunge and signed up, got my book and CD and told him I would try to make it Wednesday, I have to see if they will let me leave early from work.

I then came home, made dinner, so that DT could eat before he went off to work.

I cleaned up and laid down for a bit, setting the clock so I could go back to the church this evening for the new members tour. They were also looking for volunteers to help with the gifts for the shut ins.

Crystal called me at about 3:30. I was in a dead sleep.

'Are you going to church to help with the project before the tour?'

I blearily looked at the clock. I would never make it I thought since that was at 4.

I told her no, I wasn't gonna make it.

But then I thought, oh why not, I may be a little late, but at least I will be there.

I felt yucky from my nap so I dashed in the shower for a quick rinse, dressed and went out the door.

It took me way longer to get to church than I expected. The city was having their annual Christmas parade, and all the roads that I needed were blocked, I ended up turning around three times, had to come back by my house to get on the back road, and end up going way way out of my way.

But I did get there by 4:30.

I helped for a bit, then the Pastor gathered all us new members and we took the grand tour.

At the very end of the tour, I asked about the library/media room.

The Pastor started telling us about it, then mentioned that they need people to work in the library, cataloguing and sorting.

'PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!'

I didn't hesitate a moment, I jumped right in and volunteered.

I have been stumbling around in the church looking for where I fit in, and now I suddenly have two things.

The singing thing has been thrown in my face over and over, the shy part of me just didn't want to accept it.

And suddenly another opportunity comes out just when I least expect it.

Music and books, my two most favorite things.

My sister told me the last time I talked to her not to worry that God would lead me to where I belong, and that doors would suddenly open. I see that she was right, and it's awesome!

I prayed about it and just let it rest in God's hands, trusting Him to lead me where He wants me.

Now if I could just find it as easy to let go and trust Him in ALL aspects of my life.

But I guess as long as I am taking steps forward in my walk, even if they are baby steps, it's progress.

And I feel good, really really good, I am excited and uplifted and praising God!

2 Samuel 22:47

"The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!

Exalted be God, the Rock, my Savior!"

Drawing closer to God

Last night I talked to my DIL for quite a while, she felt a little better yesterday, but she described feelings of anger and loss. A normal reaction.

But she is immersing herself in the Word of God, she is looking for answers.

JP took his family to church on Sunday, knowing that they needed to be with the people of God.

Tragedy can so often drive us away from God, we see this often, and there have been times in my own life when I allowed that to happen, letting myself become embittered and angry, blaming God for my problems.

But turning to Him in times of sorrow, can bring us closer to Him, opening our hearts to experience His full all encompassing love, compassion, and mercy.

I believe God uses the hard things in our lives to draw us closer to Him, if we just turn and seek Him.

But too often we only turn to Him when things are bad, we must not forget to worship and praise Him in the good times also.

I love to read the Psalms, and recurring theme I find awesome in the Psalms of David particularly, is that he always gave God the glory, no matter the circumstances. David was often depressed, lonely, and frightened. Enemies pursued him, surrounded him, wanting to take his life. But even in the midst of all these things, he always praised God.

We can not know fully God's mind, he is beyond our mere human understanding, but we can know and accept that He is a just God, that He knows us better than we know ourselves, that He is faithful, even when we are weak, that He is compassionate when we are suffering.

My son and DIL suffered a loss of a child, and who can understand better such a loss than God?

I grieve the grandchild that was lost, but even so, I rest in the presence of my Lord, I find comfort in Him, and I have not lost the peace and joy that has been given me through His grace.

And that is my fervent prayer for my children.


James 4
8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Changes Again!

It seems I can't enough of change.

So I putzed around this morning, and changed my background.

What do you all think?

Christmas is coming. I love Christmas.

There are a few things I want to add here, but I don't have the time today.

I need to cook.

Today is Thanksgiving.

Oh, I know it was really on Thursday, I am not that dumb. But since I had to work, and DT and Boo were off to do their own things, then I am having it today.

I really do need to get off here, I have a lot to do.

Sweep the floor, finish laundry, run to the store, stuff the bird, and you know, all that fun stuff.

Later this afternoon, Crystal is coming to join us, Boo and her beau will be here, and DT and his friend are planning to arrive sometime this afternoon, if they can drag themselves from the woods.

I am ok today, as upset as I was yesterday with the loss we had, I have God filling me up, and I have so much to be thankful for.

And besides, that child must have been very special indeed since God took him or her home.

That gives me comfort.

I still have all my wonderful children, my SIL and DIL, and five sweet grandchildren.

I have my four sisters and a brother. My Dad and my Grandma.

A plethora of other family members.

Two best friends.

And my dear sweet husband who when he heard about the baby being lost, insisted that he is coming home early to be with me.

I have my God who strengthens me, Who loves me beyond measure, Who guides me along my path, Who carries me when I am weak, and Who has given me so much to be thankful for.

Even though part of my heart is saddened by the loss of a grandchild, I come before God with a grateful heart, my heart is full with His love, peace and joy.

Not Alone

My family abandoned me for Thanksgiving.

No, I am not feeling sorry for myself, just stating a fact.

DT's best friend showed up from PA on Tuesday. He got a little lost and ended up at Mickey D's, so I went and rescued him.

They left that afternoon to go hunting down in the swamps on Cape Fear River. Hubby called me yesterday morning, highly disappointed, he missed a buck with a huge rack.

Boo spent the day with her boyfriend and his family. They invited her when she told them I had to work.

Then my schedule was switched from 11 am to 8 pm, to 4 am to 1 pm. Which was ok, I would rather have had my afternoon off on Thanksgiving.

I was extremely tired though, on Wednesday, I worked till nearly 8:30 pm, came home, got a few hours sleep, up at 2 am to go back for 4 am. And Wednesday night was horrible, being the night before a big holiday we were extremely busy and I ended up not getting out of there when I was supposed to.

I slept 11 hours last night.

Told you I was exhausted.

When my friend Crystal found out that I was going to be alone yesterday afternoon, she invited me to her families. So I went.

It was nice, lots of people I didn't know, but I did have a good time. It made me truly Thankful that God has provided me with such a wonderful friend as Crystal.

There was a young woman there who invited me to her house on December 15th to celebrate Christmas. I think she felt sorry for me! And I felt sorry for her, because this young woman has Polio.

But after talking to Crystal, this woman certainly doesn't need pity, she is strong and capable, and apparently very good hearted. I will pray for her though.

I felt like I made a couple of new friends, which is awesome.

Afterwards I came home, settled the animals, changed into comfy clothes, made a cup of tea, and then I called my son. I had already talked to Pookie in the morning when I took my lunch break, and I hadn't had a chance to talk to JP yet.

My DIL answered and I talked to her for a few, she is finally pretty much over her morning sickness with baby number three. Then I talked to Blake, who was very excited because they got a Spongebob table and chair set, then Hali got on the phone and babbled something I couldn't understand except for the word, 'Mommom'. Well, at least she knows who I was! Then JP finally got to talk, he sounded as tired as I felt. He is a hard worker, plus coaching Blake's peewee football games, which by the way, they won the tournament, so football is done for them.

I did have a bad moment on the phone when I had to tell myself not to cry, I miss them all so much and they are so far away. It was when JP told me that Blake is really stretching and is 4 feet tall already, and I said, pretty soon he will be as tall as me! It was just a reminder of how much I am missing with my grandchildren.

I had one of those moments on the phone with Pookie, when she told me how Delilah's potty training is proceeding and the little pip finally figured out that she is supposed to pull her panties down to go potty.

But I am thankful. I am thankful that all my children are doing well, that my grandchildren are healthy and thriving, that I have a new grand baby on the way, that I have family that loves each other.

I am thankful that I have a good husband, who works hard and who loves me.

I am thankful for my friends, those here in my life and on the net.

I am thankful that I have a roof over my head and a place to lay my head at night when so many others don't.

I am thankful for a full belly when so many others are hungry.

I am thankful for my health, when others suffer from so many problems.

I am thankful for my church home, where I have another 'family' who truly cares about each other.

I am truly thankful for the simple pleasures in life, a cup of coffee made just right, a sunrise, the colors of the leaves on the trees, cheesecake, hugs, long talks on the phones, an email from a friend, a good book, public libraries, road trips, and music.

And I am thankful for my God, for my Savior, for His love that carries me through each and every moment of my life.

I am never alone, even when it seems I am.

What a FRIEND!!

I just love when friends get a kick out of embarrassing you, don't you?

It all started some months ago, I was in church singing my little heart out. Directly after service, two different men that were sitting in front of us turned and asked who was singing so beautifully.

My oh so wonderful friend Crystal points at me.

Thanks.

Over the months, several others have complimented me.

I don't get it.

I never thought of myself as a particularly good singer, although I do like to sing.

Last Sunday, Crystal's mama went to church with us.

In Sunday School, she said and quite loudly I may add, that I should join the choir.

Ok, now wait a minute, this is going way too far.

My face burned as EVERYONE turned to look at me.

Then this week, three more people, all complete strangers, told me the same thing.

Then my oh so wonderful FRIEND, who I do love (sometimes), drags me up to the woman in charge of the choir and tells her, SHE NEEDS TO BE IN THE CHOIR!!!

No, I don't.

I am quite content to do my thing in the congregation.

I am feeling pushed and pulled into a direction I am not sure I want to go in.

In new members class, we talked about service.

I've been attending there for a year now, and have been a member since June. I am looking for where I fit in.

Surely, it's not the choir.

Please, Lord, not that.

I can't get up in front of all those people and SING.

Not me. No way.

*sigh*

Crystal said to me, maybe I am just fighting against it too hard.

OF COURSE I AM, I DON'T WANNA!!!

And what is the worst that could happen.

Uh, how about making a complete and utter fool of myself.

Choking, not being able to sing.

Turning beat red in front of everyone.

My voice cracking.

Tripping on the way up there and falling flat on my face.

See, ANYTHING could happen.

After all, I am NOT very graceful, I can't walk without my feet sticking to the floor, so I am sure to really embarrass myself.

Is this what You want of me, Lord?

Ya know, this would be a huge step of faith for me.

Ok, I admit it, this scares me to death.

"For God did not give you a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of self-control."

Point taken.

I'll think about it, K?

*sigh*

Housecleaning Blues

Yesterday, I cleaned and cleaned, and it didn't feel like I accomplished anything. I look around and see so much that has to be done yet.

Ugh!!

I was SUPPOSED to get the whole house done.

Yeah right!

Around 1:00, I decided to make something to eat. I turned on the stove, and...

BAM...all the lights went out.

Puzzled, I went into the basement and checked the breaker.

It wasn't kicked.

I came back inside and called the power company, getting an automated voice system. Don't ya just love those? Nothing like not being able to talk to a human.

I went across the street and asked the neighbors if they had lights.

Nope, well, at least it wasn't just my house.

And hour and a half later they were back on.

I realized something during that time period.

I take things like electricity for granted.

When it's gone, it's like something HUGE is missing, and while I had it I didn't realize how important it was for existence.

I couldn't use the microwave, or the stove. I was afraid to open the fridge. I had no computer, no lights, no tv.

Not even a clock.

We have become so dependent on something that we can't even see.

Oh, we know it's there, running through the power lines, turning our lights on, heating our water, and keeping our food cold.

But we can't really see it.

Hmmm, and a thought just occurred to me.

God is like that, we can't see Him, but we can see the evidence of His existence all around us.

He has given us the sun to give us light and warmth, He gives us food and water to sustain us, He even gave us the very breath of life.

Every day, God assures me of His existence, in all the blessings that He gives.

We depend on an unseeing power running through our homes, yet we have difficulty at times depending on an unseen God.

Sometimes, we take Him for granted, just like we do other things, knowing He's there, but getting too busy to worship, too rushed to pray, too distracted to serve Him.

Maybe we need to slow down and turn to the Light, because He is the only One who can truly chase away the darkness.

In God's view

I've been trying hard to view people through God's eyes, not always an easy endeavor, and I fail more than I would like to admit. It's easy to look down on people because they are different, or because they have no 'eye appeal', or they seem weird, or dirty, or just different than main stream humanity.

It's hard to love the unlovely.

But I am trying and that's all I can do.

Today in church the sermon was on telling people about Jesus, they have really been stressing the point of inviting people to church, mostly because next Sunday is high attendance Sunday.

Ok, this is not something I am very comfortable with. One reason is because I've had people try and shove their religious beliefs down my throat and I don't want to appear that way to others. I prefer 'showing' people by my actions and words what it means to be a Christian, which is something else I am working on. Which does work, on occasion, like with my friend Crystal.

What does this have to do with loving the unlovelies of the world?

Well, there is this man at work, and ok, ok, I even think he is weird.

I had to go into work for 1 today, I have my hours scheduled like that so I can go to church on Sunday mornings.

I ran into Mr. K, the weird guy at the time clock. Ok, I think he is weird, but I do endeavor to be nice to him.

So we end up having this conversation.

Mr. K, "You just comin back from lunch?"

Me, "No, I'm just coming in."

Mr. K, with funny look on his face, "Isn't it late for you to be coming in?"

Me, "On Sundays I don't come in till one so I can go to church in the morning."

Mr. K, "Oh, you like going to church?"

Me, "Yes, and it's the one thing I won't compromise on."

By this time we are both punched in and he is walking with me through the store.

Mr. K, "What church do you go to?"

Me, "Calvary Baptist right over here in Toast."

Mr. K, "You go to Sunday School too before church?"

Me, "Actually, I go to the early service at 8:30 then Sunday School afterwards."

Mr. K, "And you really like it?"

Me, "Yes, I do, I love going to church."

Mr. K, "I really should start going to church."

Me, "You are always welcome to join us!" Where did that come from, did I say that?

Mr. K nods, and says, "I guess you read the Bible all the time too."

Me, "Yes, I am a Bible believing, born again Christian."

Mr. K, "Hmm, that's good, that's good."

At that we parted ways and went off to work in our separate departments.

Now, I am definitely not the type to push my religious beliefs on someone, if I do talk to someone it's because the conversation just turned that way for some reason, if they don't want to hear it, that's fine, I can do nothing to change a person's mind, that is up to God.

I do believe that God places us in certain places with certain people at different times for His purpose to be fulfilled.

And I have seen evidence of this in my own life.

Nineteen months ago I moved here from Pennsylvania. I didn't find a job for almost three months, then I landed a job at the sock warehouse, where I met my friend Crystal.

Crystal has been through a lot in the last year, her brother died of a drug overdose at the age of 31, she was fired from a job she loved, she has had some health issues of her own, she ended a long term relationship with her boyfriend, but she is now a faithful member of the same church I belong too.

Now, I know God didn't 'need' me to get her back into church, but He did use me to get her there. I am humbled and awed by the fact that He could have used anyone to fulfill His will, but He used me.

I don't want people to go to church because they feel that they 'have' too, I don't want people to go to church because they want a social life and they feel that is where they will get it, I don't want people to go to church because it's the thing to do, or a status thing, or even out of habit.

I want people to go to church because they can learn about the love of Jesus for all mankind.

I've been to all kinds of churches in my life, Roman Catholic, Lutheran, UMC, Baptist, and so on. I've been a member of several different churches, one I was soured on because of the whole money issue, one I was soured on because of the political games, one was too legalistic and judgemental, and yes it's a shame that this happens, but I have come to realize that we are all terrible sinners and when you put a bunch of us together you can end up with greed, power plays and even hypocrites.

Jesus didn't come to judge, He came to save the sinners, like you and I. He sat and ate with sinners, real people like you and I. He chose those people over the supposedly righteous folks to eat with.

He chose people like fishermen and tax collectors to be His disciples, He didn't choose scholars and priests nor the rich and powerful.

He chose us.

He chose me.

I don't have anything to give to Him but myself. Any gifts or talents I have are because He gave them to me. I am not well known or famous, I am not rich by any means, I came from a poor background, I make many, many mistakes in my life, I get depressed, discouraged and even lonely. I am so imperfect in so many ways, yet He loved me so much that He died for me.

This is the message of the Gospel, it's not about how much money a church can collect, or how powerful someone can be, it's not even about being able to quote scripture, it's simply and yet powerfully all about Jesus and what He did for all of us on the cross, freeing us from the punishment of death that we deserve by taking it all upon Himself.

Jesus truly loves the unlovely, even one such as me.