Prayer Warrior

Prayer is so important in my life and I find myself praying throughout the day, in the shower, in the car, at work. When I hear of someone who is hurting, who has problems I immediately pray.

The funny thing about prayer is that the more you do it, the more you want to do it.

I get a daily message in my email of God's promises. Yesterday's had an interesting quote about prayer.

When we don't pray, we quit the fight.
Prayer keeps the Christian's armor bright.
And Satan trembles when he sees
The weakest saint upon his knees. WILLIAM COWPER

Daily prayer makes us stronger, in our faith, in our daily walk, and against the temptations of the world.

I am learning to include praise in my prayers, no matter what circumstances I am in. I praise Him because I know he hears and has already answered even if I don't see the answer right away. I praise Him in my prayers because it is pleasing to Him.

I have a little sister. She is truly my baby sister being fifteen years younger than me. She is not a Christian. She has a an eight year old daughter.

Three years ago, as she sat in her car waiting for a light to change, a moving truck rear ended her vehicle. It hit her so hard the trunk of her car was in her backseat.

God must have been watching out for them, her little girl who was just five at the time was in the back seat and didn't have a scratch on her.

My little sister however suffered major back damage to the point where the doctors had to cauterize the nerves in her back just to relieve the pain.

She has a law suit pending, and she is hinging all her hopes on it.

In the meantime, her common law husband left her. She hasn't worked since the accident, she has no money to pay bills, her rent hasn't been paid for five months, the gas company will be turning off her heat, and on and on.

Overwhelmed, and on anti depressants, she went out drinking to try and numb herself of the reality that has become her life.

She had a breakdown. The police took her to the hospital.

Her daughter was at a baby sitter's, but now she is in the foster care system, placed with my older sister who is trying to forge her way through the reams of paperwork in order to keep her.

My niece is traumatized to say the least.

Little sis is home but the problems are still there.

I spoke to her last night after praying all day that God would give me words.

I didn't want to be preachy or judgemental.

'I have been where you are at, and drinking is not the answer.'

'I know.'

'I don't want to lecture you, but you have to see that this has made things worse.'

'You're right.'

'I know you hate hearing this, but I am telling you anyway because I love you, that I AM praying for you.'

I am not praying that God will fix her finances or miraculously make all her problems go away, I am praying for her heart to be opened up to God and for her to turn to Him.

Being a Christian doesn't mean all of our problems magically disappear, they don't.

Being a Christian means we have Someone to turn to who will help us through all that life has to throw at us.

Previously I mentioned my own breakdown in 2000.

At the time I was depressed, suicidal, conflicted, hurting.

I sat on the side of my bed with a .38 special in my hand wanting so bad to end my misery.

As you can see, God brought me through that time.

The following years were anything but easy, and I often wavered back and forth between following God and following myself.

It has only been in the last year that I made a real commitment to God and I can honestly say that as my journey brings me closer and closer to God each day, my heart becomes lighter and lighter.

I still have bad moments, sad moments, hard times physically, emotionally and spiritually, but I also realized that satan wants me to stay down and that is when I pray.

A very smart man I know, a pastor and book author and lecturer said something in a sermon once that I remember to this day.

'Any renewed determination to obey God results in opposition (from satan).'

I have that written in my Bible.

There is a battle going on, a battle for our souls.

One weapon God has equipped us with is prayer.

I am praying.

Will you be a Prayer Warrior too?

Quiet Christmas

Christmas is just not the same.

Oh, it wasn't a bad Christmas, just quiet.

We went to the Christmas Eve service at church at 11 pm. When we got out it was a few minutes after midnight, and Boo immediately started bugging me about opening her presents when we got home.

'It's not Christmas yet.'

'YES it is! It's after midnight!'

*sigh*

'Mommy! Can't I open one? You always let me open one!'

She's not spoiled, not at all.

*snort*

'Fine, I'll just wake you up at six in the morning.'

'I don't think so.'

My need for sleep outweighed my common sense, and after all, she had a point, it officially was Christmas morning, so guess who got to open her presents?

I gave her the Christmas Eve present first, which of course was pajamas, it's always pajamas. A tradition my mother started when I was little.

Then she ripped into the rest, she didn't get much, but she did get things she really needed, like socks, and under things.

And of course, the horsie.


Which the dog was a little freaked out by.

And here is a better one of Glory, getting into the Christmas Spirit. Well, kind of.

She really wasn't all that happy with the whole Santa hat thing.

We then went off to bed, waking later than usual Christmas day. There was no rushing around. I did cook a big meal, we have LOTS of left over turkey.

We called everyone we could think of.

Of course, I felt like crying when I was talking to my other children. I could hear my grandchildren in the background, and my heart longed to be with them all. I held back the tears, I didn't want to upset them.

I also called my Grandma, and got to talk to my Uncle who traveled from Texas to Michigan with my nephew to spend Christmas with Grandma.

I called my Dad and got to talk to my little brother, who is really not so little anymore, being a big old grown man, married with four sons.

I talked to both my sisters back home, and my little niece who at 8 years old sounds so grown up.

I miss everyone, I miss the hustle and bustle, the kids squealing, the grownups laughing and talking, the food, the family and friends, all the busyness and activity.

I cooked, we ate, Boo went off to visit her boyfriend, DT watched tv, and after clean up, I fell asleep on the couch.

It wasn't a bad Christmas, it was just not the same.

Drawing closer to God

Last night I talked to my DIL for quite a while, she felt a little better yesterday, but she described feelings of anger and loss. A normal reaction.

But she is immersing herself in the Word of God, she is looking for answers.

JP took his family to church on Sunday, knowing that they needed to be with the people of God.

Tragedy can so often drive us away from God, we see this often, and there have been times in my own life when I allowed that to happen, letting myself become embittered and angry, blaming God for my problems.

But turning to Him in times of sorrow, can bring us closer to Him, opening our hearts to experience His full all encompassing love, compassion, and mercy.

I believe God uses the hard things in our lives to draw us closer to Him, if we just turn and seek Him.

But too often we only turn to Him when things are bad, we must not forget to worship and praise Him in the good times also.

I love to read the Psalms, and recurring theme I find awesome in the Psalms of David particularly, is that he always gave God the glory, no matter the circumstances. David was often depressed, lonely, and frightened. Enemies pursued him, surrounded him, wanting to take his life. But even in the midst of all these things, he always praised God.

We can not know fully God's mind, he is beyond our mere human understanding, but we can know and accept that He is a just God, that He knows us better than we know ourselves, that He is faithful, even when we are weak, that He is compassionate when we are suffering.

My son and DIL suffered a loss of a child, and who can understand better such a loss than God?

I grieve the grandchild that was lost, but even so, I rest in the presence of my Lord, I find comfort in Him, and I have not lost the peace and joy that has been given me through His grace.

And that is my fervent prayer for my children.


James 4
8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Grandparents grieve too.

Today, it's really hit me hard, I cried in church, I cried at work, and I am still crying.

JP called me in desperation, wanting Bible verses to help his wife. He loves her so much, and the loss of their baby is devastating.

I found some verses that I hope will help, but then I in turn, called my Pastor's wife, who is a grief counselor.

I broke down in tears again.

And she said something interesting, that I, as a grandparent have been hit with grief twice. I not only lost my grandchild, I hurt because my child hurts.

And there is really nothing I can do or say to make his hurt less or his wife's hurt less. I can only love and support them, and share in their grief.

A lot of people minimize a miscarriage, mostly because secular society doesn't always agree that a fetus is a real child.

I beg to differ.

Miscarriage is a real loss. It was a real baby.

God's word says in Psalm 139

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

God knew that child from the moment of conception, and all of that child's days were ordained.

And a joyfully expectant mother loves the child that is forming inside her.

I remember when I conceived my son. I knew the moment I had conceived. Two weeks later, I was sure. Another two weeks went by and it was confirmed.

As young as I was, as scared as I was, I was more terrified of losing him. He laid under my heart, developing and growing for nine months, how could I not love him? He was a part of me.

Today, he is a grown man, a husband and father, and now a grieving father who is trying so hard to hold his family together, to help his wife through this, to be the strong one.

When he called me Friday morning, he was crying so hard that it broke this mother's heart.

If I could take his tears I would. If I could take his hurt I would. If I could take his lost child's place, I would.

But I can't, I am helpless and I am grieving.

I have decided that it's ok to grieve this loss.

It's real, it's painful.

And I am not alone.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.

Changes Again!

It seems I can't enough of change.

So I putzed around this morning, and changed my background.

What do you all think?

Christmas is coming. I love Christmas.

There are a few things I want to add here, but I don't have the time today.

I need to cook.

Today is Thanksgiving.

Oh, I know it was really on Thursday, I am not that dumb. But since I had to work, and DT and Boo were off to do their own things, then I am having it today.

I really do need to get off here, I have a lot to do.

Sweep the floor, finish laundry, run to the store, stuff the bird, and you know, all that fun stuff.

Later this afternoon, Crystal is coming to join us, Boo and her beau will be here, and DT and his friend are planning to arrive sometime this afternoon, if they can drag themselves from the woods.

I am ok today, as upset as I was yesterday with the loss we had, I have God filling me up, and I have so much to be thankful for.

And besides, that child must have been very special indeed since God took him or her home.

That gives me comfort.

I still have all my wonderful children, my SIL and DIL, and five sweet grandchildren.

I have my four sisters and a brother. My Dad and my Grandma.

A plethora of other family members.

Two best friends.

And my dear sweet husband who when he heard about the baby being lost, insisted that he is coming home early to be with me.

I have my God who strengthens me, Who loves me beyond measure, Who guides me along my path, Who carries me when I am weak, and Who has given me so much to be thankful for.

Even though part of my heart is saddened by the loss of a grandchild, I come before God with a grateful heart, my heart is full with His love, peace and joy.

Prayer request

Please pray for my son, JP and his wife, Jenn.

Jenn lost the baby.

They are devastated.

And I am heartbroken for them.

I know that we can't always see God's purposes, but He is faithful, and all things work for the good of those who love Him.

Even the harsh things, even the sad things, even this.

To my unborn grandchild,

I love you Baby, even though I will never hold you, I will never play with you, or count your fingers and toes.

But I know that you are in God's arms and that you are loved more than I can I say with mere words.

Your parents miss you, they cry over the loss of you, as do I, but you have a Heavenly Father who can and will love you forever.

Someday, when I get where you are, I will be able to love you and hug you like I long to do. But in the meantime, you have a great grandmom, and a great great grandmom there who will step in, until I get there.

You also have a cousin there baby, who you can play with, so I know with such a wonderful family, that you are safe.

And I know you are in a place of complete Joy.

You will never face hardship and heartache, you will never suffer loss as we do, and for that, I am thankful.

I love you, Baby.

Mommom

Not Alone

My family abandoned me for Thanksgiving.

No, I am not feeling sorry for myself, just stating a fact.

DT's best friend showed up from PA on Tuesday. He got a little lost and ended up at Mickey D's, so I went and rescued him.

They left that afternoon to go hunting down in the swamps on Cape Fear River. Hubby called me yesterday morning, highly disappointed, he missed a buck with a huge rack.

Boo spent the day with her boyfriend and his family. They invited her when she told them I had to work.

Then my schedule was switched from 11 am to 8 pm, to 4 am to 1 pm. Which was ok, I would rather have had my afternoon off on Thanksgiving.

I was extremely tired though, on Wednesday, I worked till nearly 8:30 pm, came home, got a few hours sleep, up at 2 am to go back for 4 am. And Wednesday night was horrible, being the night before a big holiday we were extremely busy and I ended up not getting out of there when I was supposed to.

I slept 11 hours last night.

Told you I was exhausted.

When my friend Crystal found out that I was going to be alone yesterday afternoon, she invited me to her families. So I went.

It was nice, lots of people I didn't know, but I did have a good time. It made me truly Thankful that God has provided me with such a wonderful friend as Crystal.

There was a young woman there who invited me to her house on December 15th to celebrate Christmas. I think she felt sorry for me! And I felt sorry for her, because this young woman has Polio.

But after talking to Crystal, this woman certainly doesn't need pity, she is strong and capable, and apparently very good hearted. I will pray for her though.

I felt like I made a couple of new friends, which is awesome.

Afterwards I came home, settled the animals, changed into comfy clothes, made a cup of tea, and then I called my son. I had already talked to Pookie in the morning when I took my lunch break, and I hadn't had a chance to talk to JP yet.

My DIL answered and I talked to her for a few, she is finally pretty much over her morning sickness with baby number three. Then I talked to Blake, who was very excited because they got a Spongebob table and chair set, then Hali got on the phone and babbled something I couldn't understand except for the word, 'Mommom'. Well, at least she knows who I was! Then JP finally got to talk, he sounded as tired as I felt. He is a hard worker, plus coaching Blake's peewee football games, which by the way, they won the tournament, so football is done for them.

I did have a bad moment on the phone when I had to tell myself not to cry, I miss them all so much and they are so far away. It was when JP told me that Blake is really stretching and is 4 feet tall already, and I said, pretty soon he will be as tall as me! It was just a reminder of how much I am missing with my grandchildren.

I had one of those moments on the phone with Pookie, when she told me how Delilah's potty training is proceeding and the little pip finally figured out that she is supposed to pull her panties down to go potty.

But I am thankful. I am thankful that all my children are doing well, that my grandchildren are healthy and thriving, that I have a new grand baby on the way, that I have family that loves each other.

I am thankful that I have a good husband, who works hard and who loves me.

I am thankful for my friends, those here in my life and on the net.

I am thankful that I have a roof over my head and a place to lay my head at night when so many others don't.

I am thankful for a full belly when so many others are hungry.

I am thankful for my health, when others suffer from so many problems.

I am thankful for my church home, where I have another 'family' who truly cares about each other.

I am truly thankful for the simple pleasures in life, a cup of coffee made just right, a sunrise, the colors of the leaves on the trees, cheesecake, hugs, long talks on the phones, an email from a friend, a good book, public libraries, road trips, and music.

And I am thankful for my God, for my Savior, for His love that carries me through each and every moment of my life.

I am never alone, even when it seems I am.

Soggy Days

It's raining.

Still.

We are in severe drought conditions, so we really do need the rain, but it's been three days now and I am starting to long for the sun. The wet weather doesn't make my ankles and hands feel too good either.

Today, I was at work, in the freezer putting stock up when suddenly the power went out and I was in pitch black. My co-worker found a flashlight and came searching for me, I saw a beam of light and I followed it out of that black hole.

The power was out in the whole store for over an hour, customers were asked to leave, the open coolers were covered with tarps, all the computers and registers were down. So I found things to do that didn't need power, it's fun wrapping bread in the dark. LOL

It made for some excitement anyway in an otherwise same ol', same ol' day at work. It's always fun watching Managers scurrying around in panic mode.

Tonight I came home and Boo was actually in bed ready to go to sleep so I didn't have to fight her for the computer. I peeked in the dishwasher, and saw she didn't put the dishes away like I asked her too, for a moment I was mad, then I thought, Oh well, they can stay for another day, it won't hurt them, but she will get talked to tomorrow about it. On the way to school, when I have her trapped in the car. LOL

So I actually got on the computer and did some tweaking to my blog, changed the comment settings so now anyone can comment, and a couple other little things.

Checked my email, answered one, left all the forwards to deal with another day. I will probably end up deleting most of them, I'm not big on forwarding a kazillion emails to everyone in my address book.

I got to talk to my Dad yesterday, in a way I couldn't wait to get off the phone, he cusses like a sailor, and even though I love him, I have a hard time with hearing that. It's bad enough I have to fuss at DT on occasion about his mouth. Dad is doing pretty good though. I talked to Grandma too the other day and she still sounds like her usual robust self, to be 86 years old and as healthy as she is, is awesome.

DT's dad was in the hospital last week. He went to the doctor on Wednesday, with ankles that were swollen like melons. The doctor didn't say anything about the swelling, just checked him and sent him home. When he got home, his oxygen machine wasn't working so he couldn't breathe at all. Mom called the ambulance and they took him to the hospital. He was suffering from congestive heart failure, so they sent him to another hospital after getting him stabilized. The doctors at the hospital couldn't believe his doctor sent him home like that. He came home Friday much better, and lost 8 pounds of water in just a couple of days. Needless to say, they are looking for a new doctor. Can't blame them there, I could have told them he was a crappy doctor, I used to go to him and he never did much for me when I had problems.

Thankfully, he is much better now. Ya know, it makes you wonder, if his machine hadn't broke when it did, he might have died. He must have an angel watching over him.

DT of course was upset, and asked me what he would do if something terrible happened to his dad, and I just said, 'Go home, of course, God will provide.'

Well, I guess I better get off of here and go on to bed, my feet are cold and I am longing for the heating pad.