Prayer Warrior

Prayer is so important in my life and I find myself praying throughout the day, in the shower, in the car, at work. When I hear of someone who is hurting, who has problems I immediately pray.

The funny thing about prayer is that the more you do it, the more you want to do it.

I get a daily message in my email of God's promises. Yesterday's had an interesting quote about prayer.

When we don't pray, we quit the fight.
Prayer keeps the Christian's armor bright.
And Satan trembles when he sees
The weakest saint upon his knees. WILLIAM COWPER

Daily prayer makes us stronger, in our faith, in our daily walk, and against the temptations of the world.

I am learning to include praise in my prayers, no matter what circumstances I am in. I praise Him because I know he hears and has already answered even if I don't see the answer right away. I praise Him in my prayers because it is pleasing to Him.

I have a little sister. She is truly my baby sister being fifteen years younger than me. She is not a Christian. She has a an eight year old daughter.

Three years ago, as she sat in her car waiting for a light to change, a moving truck rear ended her vehicle. It hit her so hard the trunk of her car was in her backseat.

God must have been watching out for them, her little girl who was just five at the time was in the back seat and didn't have a scratch on her.

My little sister however suffered major back damage to the point where the doctors had to cauterize the nerves in her back just to relieve the pain.

She has a law suit pending, and she is hinging all her hopes on it.

In the meantime, her common law husband left her. She hasn't worked since the accident, she has no money to pay bills, her rent hasn't been paid for five months, the gas company will be turning off her heat, and on and on.

Overwhelmed, and on anti depressants, she went out drinking to try and numb herself of the reality that has become her life.

She had a breakdown. The police took her to the hospital.

Her daughter was at a baby sitter's, but now she is in the foster care system, placed with my older sister who is trying to forge her way through the reams of paperwork in order to keep her.

My niece is traumatized to say the least.

Little sis is home but the problems are still there.

I spoke to her last night after praying all day that God would give me words.

I didn't want to be preachy or judgemental.

'I have been where you are at, and drinking is not the answer.'

'I know.'

'I don't want to lecture you, but you have to see that this has made things worse.'

'You're right.'

'I know you hate hearing this, but I am telling you anyway because I love you, that I AM praying for you.'

I am not praying that God will fix her finances or miraculously make all her problems go away, I am praying for her heart to be opened up to God and for her to turn to Him.

Being a Christian doesn't mean all of our problems magically disappear, they don't.

Being a Christian means we have Someone to turn to who will help us through all that life has to throw at us.

Previously I mentioned my own breakdown in 2000.

At the time I was depressed, suicidal, conflicted, hurting.

I sat on the side of my bed with a .38 special in my hand wanting so bad to end my misery.

As you can see, God brought me through that time.

The following years were anything but easy, and I often wavered back and forth between following God and following myself.

It has only been in the last year that I made a real commitment to God and I can honestly say that as my journey brings me closer and closer to God each day, my heart becomes lighter and lighter.

I still have bad moments, sad moments, hard times physically, emotionally and spiritually, but I also realized that satan wants me to stay down and that is when I pray.

A very smart man I know, a pastor and book author and lecturer said something in a sermon once that I remember to this day.

'Any renewed determination to obey God results in opposition (from satan).'

I have that written in my Bible.

There is a battle going on, a battle for our souls.

One weapon God has equipped us with is prayer.

I am praying.

Will you be a Prayer Warrior too?

I Can

Philippians 4
10I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

In this letter to the Philippians, Paul writes that he has learned to be content in whatever circumstances he was in. He spent much time in prison, but even from prison he continued to work for God.

How often we are not content with our own circumstances. I think about how often the Israelites grumbled and complained to God, and I realize that we are no different.

The Israelites even complained about the manna God sent them from Heaven so they would not starve in the wilderness.

I realize that I do my own share of whining to God, just because I think that things shouldn't be this way, because like the Israelites who tired of eating manna every day for forty years, I get tired of living paycheck to paycheck and struggling financially.

But I have realized something, my situation is the consequences of bad financial choices in the past, just as the Israelites choices resulted in them wandering in the wilderness for forty years, a whole generation never able to enter into the Promised Land.

For a long time I prayed for God to rescue us from this mess, maybe I expected some kind of major miracle, like a big fat check to suddenly arrive in the mail. I wanted it handed to me, as if I deserved it.

But sometimes God wants us to learn from our mistakes and He doesn't answer the way we want Him too.

Hubby said something a while back about this, he said that we made this mess and God wants us to work to get out of it.

In the above passage it also says 'I can do everything through Him who gives me strength'.

This tells me that even if I have to work to fix this mess, He will sustain me. When I feel weak, like I just can't go on one more day, He is there, holding me up and lending me His strength.

Yesterday I had a bad moment, and I ended up crying in the car and crying out to God, 'I give up, Lord! I just can't do it anymore!'

But when I think about it, really think about it, I realize that things could be worse, have been worse and the pile of bills is slowly getting smaller.

There are others in way worse situations than I am in. Yes, I am late on my mortgage, but there are others who don't have a home to live in. My daughter needs to see the eye doctor and get new contacts but there are others who are blind. I need a new heating system in my house, but my house is warm with the portable heaters and there are people who freeze to death. I may not always have a lot of food, but there are others who have no food at all. I can't afford to buy new clothes, but there are others wearing rags. I lay in bed at night and wake frequently from the pain from arthritis, but there are people who have worse pain than mine. I sometimes get angry with my husband, but there are others who are totally alone. I miss my family, but others don't have families to miss. I am not happy with my job, but so many others are unemployed.

I need to be thankful for the blessings I do have because in so many ways I am richer than many others. Not just financially but in family, in friends, in my church, spiritually and physically. I have my health, my abilities, and my talents. And most importantly, I have God, my Father who loves me and cares for me even when I don't deserve it.

I need to be content.

Lord, help me to be content.

Pride Goeth Before A Fall

The other day I submitted an article to a writing contest.


The article was on the subject, 'What Makes A Christian Different Than Anyone Else?'


I really don't think I will win. For one thing, I really struggled while writing it, the words didn't flow as smoothly as when I write here or personally.


Afterwards I wondered why, and then I realized it was because for that article, I wasn't writing for God, I wasn't writing to glorify Him, I was focused on the $1,000.00 prize.


Today I looked at my article on the site I submitted it to, http://www.faithvine.com/, and even though I know that it is very doubtful I will win, not because of my writing per se, considering that even though it's not my best, it's not really bad writing either, but one mistake I made was not giving it a title that stood out, it's the same or nearly so than most of the submissions.


Why is this a problem? Because it's based on reader's votes, and if my title doesn't stand out, then the chances of it being read are very random.


As I browsed through the articles, I atomically clicked on the titles that caught my interest.


And if I do that then surely others will too.


It's ok though. Although winning would be nice, it was a learning experience.


For a long time, I was writing things that weren't exactly wholesome, I was writing for me, and I surely wasn't being blessed because of it.


And then something happened to me, inside. It bothered me, my soul groaned, and after a time I found that I wasn't able to write much at all.


I started praying about it, and after a time I decided that if my writings didn't reflect God, if my writings weren't honoring God and edifying to others, then I shouldn't be writing.

The following verses kept reverberating through me, and I realized that I wasn't thinking about the pure, lovely, noble things of God, but I was thinking and writing for my own purposes, and as a result, I didn't have peace about it.

Philippians 4
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Verse 9 really is a potent command and promise, if we put the good things of God into practice then He will be with us.

And what does the word 'practice' mean? It means striving to get something right, to do it over and over until it's flawless or nearly so.

When I wrote that article, I was selfishly motivated, not God motivated, as is so often the case. I focused on not only the money, but on getting noticed, looking for accolades, for commendation, distinction and honor, for myself.

I let pride get in the way. Pride in my own abilities, and we all know that pride is a stumbling block.

God doesn't want us to be prideful, if we boast, we should boast of the things God does through us, not on our own abilities or actions, because without God those things mean nothing.

1 Corinthians
30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

Jeremiah 9
23 This is what the LORD says:
"Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom
or the strong man boast of his strength
or the rich man boast of his riches,
24 but let him who boasts boast about this:
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,"
declares the LORD.

This new year seems to be starting off as a year of lessons. As I reflect more on God and less on myself, I am learning something daily.

Preparation

I believe that God prepares us for things in advance through our struggles, our day to day lives, and lessons we learn along the way.

However, only God knows what He is preparing us for, we have no way of knowing what is ahead of us.

And if we think we know, then God proves us wrong. We can not assume we know what God is thinking.

On New Year's Eve, I was alone. DT was working, and Boo was bringing in the new year with friends.

I was in the pit of loneliness and self pity.

A few minutes before midnight, I turned the tv on to watch the ball drop.

On the stroke of midnight, I began crying. Through my tears I watched couples kiss, people were shouting and laughing, and my tears fell harder.

I thought, 'Well maybe someone will call to wish me a Happy New Year.'

But the phone remained silent.

The problem isn't that I was alone on New Year's Eve. It's that I am alone more than I should be.

As I cried that night, I turned to my one source of comfort and solace. I turned to my Father and gave Him the tears of aching loneliness.

And a sense that He understands came over me.

He also laid on my heart that I am being prepared for something.

I haven't a clue what, even though my mind automatically goes to the worst case scenario, I know my thoughts on this are probably not any where close to what God has planned for my life.


Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.


I am God's work in progress, every thing in my life, good and bad, big and small, is preparing me for what's to come. There are lessons in each moment, if we just look for them. Sometimes what we need to learn is hard to see, sometimes because we become so self oriented that we are blinded, sometimes because it's a difficult lesson that we don't want to learn, sometimes just because we aren't quite ready for that lesson, but later when we look back things become clearer.

God doesn't want us to just stand still and wait for life to happen, He wants not only to prepare us, but for us to get ready, to be prepared, to learn, to grow, to strive, to reach. We may make many mistakes along the way, but God even uses our mistakes to teach us.

He doesn't leave us alone, He is constantly prodding us, moving us forward, guiding us to His ways.

I could have done so much to make my night less lonely instead of wallowing in my own self pity.

I could have called or visited someone to ease their loneliness. I could have done something constructive with my time. I could have spent the time in prayer and Bible reading.

I could have turned to God to begin with and asked Him what to do.

This morning I had to go to Wally World for a couple of necessities. Since I had time before I had to pick Boo up from her internship, I took my time and browsed the shelves, nothing really catching my eye at first. I was getting ready to check out when I felt compelled to go to the book section. I looked around, nothing really catching my interest until I started walking away. A book caught my eye at the last moment.

World Changers: Live to Serve by Bob Beltz and Walt Kallestad. A book inspired by the life of William Wilberforce and the Amazing Grace movie.

I don't know how many of you have seen this movie, but it was really good, and I enjoyed it tremendously.

I feel God led me to this book for a purpose, there maybe something I need to learn from it's pages.

The next time I feel lonely, I am not going to sit and feel sorry for myself, I am going to do something positive.

This is lesson one for the New Year.

What has God taught you today?

Wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.

There was an incident this morning that made me think of this verse.

Boo had asked me to go to McDonald's this morning before school, I haven't had time to do my weekly grocery shopping so I really don't have anything quick to make for breakfast.

So off I went while she got ready for school.

On the way, a woman in a white car cut me off.

Fine, I guess she was in a hurry.

She turned into MickeyD's ahead of me and went to the drive through so she was right ahead of me.

I was distracted for a moment and when I looked up, she was giving me the finger.

I have no idea why, since she was the one who cut me off and I didn't even respond to it.

I just ignored her, I find that it's better to just ignore the actions of nasty, mean people.

The worst part was that she had her young children in the car.

What an epitome of good parenting, right?

Afterwards, this verse came to my mind, and I realized that what is in the heart comes out in personality and actions. I then said a prayer for this unknown woman.

I pray that my actions will always reflect what God has done in my heart. And if I don't, then I pray that God will convict me so that I will do better.

I always believed that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

I remember an incident a number of years ago. During one holiday season, right before Thanksgiving, I was working in a book store. A woman came to the counter to make her purchase and she wrote a check. The store's policy was that we needed to see their driver's license when someone wrote a check. Apparently this woman had a problem with that, and just started reading the number off to me. I said, 'I am sorry, ma'am, but store policy says I need to actually see your license.' Angrily, she threw her license at me.

I calmly punched in the numbers and handed her licence back to her and finished the transaction. When I handed her the bag and receipt, I smiled brightly and said, 'Have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!'

She was quite taken aback, because after all, why would someone she was so rude to be nice back?

Romans 12:20
On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."

Some days it is really hard to be nice to others, especially during the holidays when people seem even worse than usual. But maybe that person is having a particularly hard time, maybe they are going through a divorce, their child is in trouble, problems at work or unemployment, or even a death in the family. We have no way of knowing.

Sometimes, all that person needs is a smile and a kind word.

And a prayer.

We may not know that person and their needs, but God does.

We may have a hard time loving the unlovely, but then we aren't always so lovely either, and God doesn't have a problem loving all people, lovely or not.

Maybe we need to learn to look at people through God's eyes.

Trials

James 1:2-4
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:12
12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.


Being a Christian does not guarantee a perfect, problem free life. Although many people believe so, then they are disappointed that it isn't so.



James wrote the passage above knowing that we would face many trials. We suffer through things as many others do, but there is a difference.



As a Christian, we have a God who provides us with the things we need to get through the tough times. And we can claim the power of Christ as we struggle and muddle through. He has provided us with powerful tools, if we only are willing to use them.




The things we suffer open us up to a greater faith, faith not in ourselves or our own abilities, but faith in a God who loves us. Faith is a gift from God, and when our faith is refined and strengthened through our reliance on God, our lives become a testimony to others.

Prayer, which is more than a cry for help, it is direct communication with God. And when we pray we should always have the attitude of praise, thanksgiving and worship no matter what we are going through.

Through prayer, we develop a closer more intimate relationship with our Creator as we continually turn to Him. He allows us to go through these things so that we will turn to Him. Often we have a tendency to turn away, those are the times He keeps pushing us down until we are on our knees. He even allows are hearts to be broken, oftentimes over and over again, until our hearts are wide open to His love.


There are two things which He gifts us with so that our burdens are easier to bear.

Hope, even a small flicker of hope can grow and burn brighter and brighter. Hope for what is yet to come. Hope for tomorrow. Hope for an eternal inheritance as co-heirs with Christ. Hope for the day when all sorrow will no longer be, when all tears are wiped away and all hearts are healed of brokenness. Hope that there will be a day when all sickness and disease no longer exists, when all sin is vanquished and we will be perfect beings reflecting God's glory.

We also have peace. Peace that comes from the knowledge that God is always with us, during good times and bad. Peace in knowing that He does not forsake the ones He loves. Peace in the promise of what is to come, that all this will pass away, but His promise and His love never will.

James tells us to persevere during the testing of our faith, this doesn't mean we don't suffer, or grieve or cry, it doesn't mean that we need to be strong, we can't in and of ourselves. Our strength lies in the Power of God's love, in the hope that is ours through the Power of Christ's sacrifice, and through the peace that He gives us in the knowledge that He is in control, and through our faith in the One who longs for a deeper relationship with us.

Through loss and grief, we gain love, peace, hope, joy, maturity, strength and a closer walk with God and in the process our God is glorified!

Today was a GOOD day!

Oh it started out a little rough, I got up early not really wanting to, made my coffee and sat for a bit to wake up.

I took my shower, and I really need to start getting my clothes ready for church the night before.

I took out my beautiful green sweater dress, a thrift shop find, and ironed it, only to discover that the hem has fallen out.

I thought I would just tack it up quick, but of course a sewing needle was not to be found, not in my sewing machine, or even the pin cushion or even in my cross stitch stuff. Now I know I have needles, but where they may be is another story.

So I ironed my black velvet that DT bought me quite a few years back.

After doing my hair and makeup, I was running a little late, but I made it to church in time.

They made an announcement that they were still looking for singers for the choir.

Singers or would be singers were to see the music minister for a CD and book after services.

I said to Crystal, 'So you gonna drag me up there to sign up?'

'Nope, although I would like to, it's up to you, but you should just take the plunge and go for it.'

'This is a scary plunge.'

'Yep, but if you fall, Jesus will catch you.'

She is right, of course.

So I took the plunge and signed up, got my book and CD and told him I would try to make it Wednesday, I have to see if they will let me leave early from work.

I then came home, made dinner, so that DT could eat before he went off to work.

I cleaned up and laid down for a bit, setting the clock so I could go back to the church this evening for the new members tour. They were also looking for volunteers to help with the gifts for the shut ins.

Crystal called me at about 3:30. I was in a dead sleep.

'Are you going to church to help with the project before the tour?'

I blearily looked at the clock. I would never make it I thought since that was at 4.

I told her no, I wasn't gonna make it.

But then I thought, oh why not, I may be a little late, but at least I will be there.

I felt yucky from my nap so I dashed in the shower for a quick rinse, dressed and went out the door.

It took me way longer to get to church than I expected. The city was having their annual Christmas parade, and all the roads that I needed were blocked, I ended up turning around three times, had to come back by my house to get on the back road, and end up going way way out of my way.

But I did get there by 4:30.

I helped for a bit, then the Pastor gathered all us new members and we took the grand tour.

At the very end of the tour, I asked about the library/media room.

The Pastor started telling us about it, then mentioned that they need people to work in the library, cataloguing and sorting.

'PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!'

I didn't hesitate a moment, I jumped right in and volunteered.

I have been stumbling around in the church looking for where I fit in, and now I suddenly have two things.

The singing thing has been thrown in my face over and over, the shy part of me just didn't want to accept it.

And suddenly another opportunity comes out just when I least expect it.

Music and books, my two most favorite things.

My sister told me the last time I talked to her not to worry that God would lead me to where I belong, and that doors would suddenly open. I see that she was right, and it's awesome!

I prayed about it and just let it rest in God's hands, trusting Him to lead me where He wants me.

Now if I could just find it as easy to let go and trust Him in ALL aspects of my life.

But I guess as long as I am taking steps forward in my walk, even if they are baby steps, it's progress.

And I feel good, really really good, I am excited and uplifted and praising God!

2 Samuel 22:47

"The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!

Exalted be God, the Rock, my Savior!"

Weakness

I am weak.

Yes, my faith especially.

Sometimes when things aren't quite right in my life, I am tempted to look to outward things of the world to make me feel better. These things sneak up on me, and wala, I feel a bit better. For a while.

But then it soon passes, what has happened?

Things of the world aren't lasting, a compliment from someone soon fades, things bought soon are forgotten or broken, clothes wear out, food is quickly consumed, and the list goes on and on.

And then when that happens we are off to seek the next thing that we think will make us happy, and if not happy, then maybe just better.

And it turns into a never ending merry-go-round, seeking and looking, and never quite achieving the happiness we seek.

Even Christians can fall into this trap.

We see something we want, or we feel something in our life is lacking, and too often we want what the world offers instead of seeking the One True Source of lasting joy and eternal peace.

Last night as I said in my last post, a man at work flirted with me. It was a HUGE ego boost, of course it was, and I basked in it, even if I didn't fall into the temptation of flirting back, I relished the feelings it invoked in me, and then my thoughts turned to what I perceive that I don't have.

A PERFECT MARRIAGE.

Show me one couple who has a perfect marriage and I will wash your feet.

On the surface maybe, but where you put two sinful people together you will eventually have some kind of problems.

Even Christian couples.

And I don't know where my husband stands spiritually. Oh, I know he believes in God, he believes in Jesus, but I am not sure where his heart lies. Only God knows that.

But this isn't about him, this is about me, and I am weak.

For a little while, I looked to something other than God to fill me.

Ok, now this is a shady area. There really is nothing wrong with receiving a compliment and enjoying it, what is wrong is when you try and replace the real source of joy with something so fleeting.

Nothing on earth can replace the Love God has for me. Nothing else can fill me and satisfy me.

I've been down the dark roads of life, and the places that those roads took me to left me empty and lonely. I was broken, embittered and hungry. Sin was an illusion, a fake, false satisfaction that never lasted longer than the moment, yet it deceived me over and over again, and I would think, 'Next time, next time it will be different, better, lasting.'

Oh, how wrong I was!

I thought I was in control, but I was out of control!

Last night was just a pale reflection of my past, a reminder of who I once had been. I am no longer that person, and I don't need a false sense of self-esteem to make me feel better.

All I need is my Lord, my Savior, the Lover of my soul.

My life is in His hands, and with Jesus by my side how can I be lonely?

Deuteronomy 31:8
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Changes Part 3

I am praying for an unknown person or persons in the church. I don't know who it is, and neither does anyone else for that matter, except God and the person who did it.

Apparently, (from what I have been told), some people in the church find change hard to accept. And have tried to have the pastor removed, of course under the guise of anonymity.

A letter went out to all the members, an anonymous letter. "Please prayerfully consider that Pastor ***** will moved to another area of ministry, so that we can be united."

Of course, this caused an uproar, and is definitely not the majorities opinion.

As I stated in my last post, a woman in class stated how satan will get shook up right before an awakening in the church and will cause something to happen to oppose it.

It blew up in satan's face.

I have been attending there for a year, in the last several months, especially in the last weeks, the sanctuary has been packed full during the contemporary service (one thing some people don't approve of).

This past Sunday was no exception, it seemed there were even more that the week before.

At the end of the service, the pastor made an alter call for prayer, deacons went forward and knelt, many, many others followed.

A few minutes later, people rose and began going back to their seats, but then suddenly, one person went and stood next to the pastor, then another, and another...until everyone there, stood and joined him, encircling the sanctuary, and joining hands in a moment of solidarity and unity.

The Minister of Music began singing, "We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord, we are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord. And we pray that our unity will one day be restored, and they will see we are Christians by our love, by our love, they will see we are Christians by our love!"

And one by one, the people started singing along, until the whole sanctuary swelled with our voices filled with unity and love.

I looked at the pastor, now with his wife and daughter by his side. He was choked with emotion, he was touched so deeply that so many would stand by his side.

Two days later, I am still so deeply touched when I think of that moment, of the outpouring of love that filled the sanctuary.

We talked with the pastor and several others afterwards, we are not angry with the person. But this person obviously needs prayer. And they definitely need love.

And maybe this is God's way of removing the chaff.

Changes Part 2

Sometimes change is hard to deal with, sometimes we resist changing something about ourselves, or we are not happy with changes around us.

We become stuck in a rut, and we like it there, because we feel safe in familiar territory.

OK, we may feel safe, but there are hazards to resisting change.

We can become narrow minded for one thing, we want things the way WE want them, and it doesn't matter what someone else thinks.

There is no challenge in staying in the same place, we limit our potential for learning and growth.

Sometimes, though we may resist, God pushes in a direction we do not want to go, and our world will change forever. It shakes us up, wakes us up, and we change in ways we didn't expect or didn't think we even needed.

Imagine what would happen if a mother robin didn't push her babies from the nest. They would end up crippled, unable to leave and stuck there, unable to even feed themselves until they slowly starved to death. Not a pretty picture.

The mother pushes the baby out of the nest for a purpose, so they can learn how to fly!

That's what God does to us, He pushes us from our own self made nests.

Thank God He does!

When I lived in Pennsylvania, for the last few years there, I really felt stuck. Oh, I had my family, I had my home, a job, friends. But I was in a rut, with no direction, no real life, just existing day in and day out. In some ways I felt like I was suffocating with boredom, in other ways I felt starved. I didn't know what I was longing for though, something unnamed, something that I couldn't see.

Then something big happened.

God pushed me out of my nest. And I landed here in N. Carolina.

I admit it, I didn't want to move here. Even though my heart longed for something more in my life, I was so used to my rut, I was safe in my rut, I didn't have to force myself to make hard decisions, I could stay in my shy little shell, and just exist.

But God wanted more for me.

And my life has been changed.

Ironically, when I was in that rut, even though a big part of me wanted to stay there, I also prayed for whatever was missing.

God answered that in a big way.

My life has changed. I don't think I would have grown and changed in the ways I have if I would have remained there.

When we did arrive here, I was so scared. I didn't know anyone at all, I didn't have a job, I got lost on several occasions trying to find my way around town, which was really scary since I didn't know anyone I could call for help or directions.

But over the course of the last twenty months, God has really worked in my life.

Of course, I have had a lot of bad moments. Not too long ago, I wrote a post on my previous blog which reflected all my doubts, all my fears, my loneliness, my depression, everything.

Yesterday, in church someone stated (because of something that happened in the church which I will get to in my next post), that when a spiritual awakening is about to happen, satan gets shook up and opposes it in one form or another.

Satan was bombarding me with all kinds of bad thoughts and feelings.

But the harder he lambasted me, the more I turned to God, the more I prayed in desperation. I prayed so hard, I think my knees bled. I cried out to God, and when I didn't have words, the Spirit cried out for me.

And I was rescued from despair.

God doesn't want us to stay in the same place, He wants us to learn how to fly. He wants us to grow and learn, He wants us to use all our gifts and talents to our full potential.

And I don't think He is done with me yet!

Who knows where He may lead me next?

But now I know that I can embrace change, it's not the bad thing that so many make it out to be.

Changes Part 1

I haven't just changed my blog.

I've changed.

But it's not a work that I did myself. God has done the work, I am simply the clay and He is the Potter.

Lately, I have felt some things just falling away from me. As I strive with a willingness to follow Him, I am changing.

And yes, they are good changes.

Of course, I haven't just sat back and waited for some miracoulous change to over come me, I willingly surrendered my life, my WHOLE life to God.

I stand on His promises, I pray without ceasing, I worship, I am convicted, and I am learning to love others.

Worry and fear and stress have been a dark cloud over my life, depression dogged my foot steps. For a long time I felt as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders.

In Matthew 11, it says:
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I have read this and heard this passage hundreds of times, yet never quite understood it.

Until now.

I am no longer burdened by the worries of this world. I went to Jesus and He has given me rest in my soul.

My heart is no longer heavy laden, it has been lightened.

No, my problems haven't magically gone away.

My mortgage is still late, bills are still piled up, Boo has a lot of needs, DT is still working alot, as am I.

And yes, we are both tired.

I am tired physically, but my soul is WIDE AWAKE and BURSTING with the JOY OF THE LORD!!!

The worry and fear of our financial woes has fallen away.

God will provide! I know this is true, and I have chosen to trust Him in ALL things.

I have changed.

I refuse to wallow in self pity. I push envy and selfish ambition away.

For I discovered something, it's NOT ALL ABOUT ME, it's ALL ABOUT HIM!

I am not entitled to anything, and everything I do have is a wondrous gift from God.

My family, my job, my home, my friends, my church, even my pets!

I now come before Him with a grateful heart, and each day I am humbled because of what He has done for me.

He has covered me with His Grace. He has shown me mercy when I deserved none. He has loved me unconditionally, even when I was whining and fretting, even when I was at my worst!

Just as He loves you and you and even you, yes, YOU!

It's ok that my readership has seemlingly declined, it's ok that I don't get comments like I used to.

What matters is that someone somewhere out there may some day read my words and find the peace and joy that I have.

As many of you know, I have gone through many struggles, many trials, and big changes.

Many of my struggles were mental and spiritual, many of those struggles are gone.

I am still a work in progress, I am still finding my way through a whole set of things, I am learning and growing. I am studying and praying. I am striving to be who God wants me to be.

Most of all I am trusting Him, something I had a problem with for a long time.

How can I not trust Him? He died for me so that I may live!

Hallelujah!!!

Confessions

I have a confession to make.

This one will shock you.

Really.

Ready?

I am two timing my husband.

That's right.

I am.

I have two guys.

I have two guys who love me.

One loved me so much, He died for me.

Yep. He died.

And a most brutal death it was, He didn't just die a simple death, He suffered tremendously.

But guess what?

He still lives.

Yep.

So I have two guys.

Two guys that love me.

The other is my husband, DT. And I know he loves me too.

The first guy's name is Jesus.

Isn't that awesome?

And you know what?

He will never fail me, unlike a human man.

He is always trustworthy, unlike a human man.

He will never hurt me, unlike a human man.

He is perfect. Can we say that about human men? I can't even say that about myself.

As much as I love my husband, I admit that I love Jesus more.

I can't help myself, I am in love with Him.

And why shouldn't I be?

He has done more for me than any man on earth has done.

And as much as I love being married, I know that even if I wasn't, I still wouldn't be alone, because I will still have a guy.

Jesus.

'Thank you, Jesus for loving me, even when I am unlovable. Thank you, for always being there for me, even when I have turned away. Thank you for picking me up when I stumble and fall. Thank you for being my strength when I am weak. Thank you for being faithful, when I am unfaithful. Thank you for dying for me, but most of all, thank you for living for me. I love You.'