Wednesday, October 31, 2007


Monday, October 29, 2007


I have this urge to strangle my teenager.

Yesterday, I specifically told her that I didn't want to hear ONE word about staying home from school today.

The whole time she was getting ready for school, 'I don't see why you won't let me stay home," in her most annoying whiney voice.

I tightened my lips and chose to (or tried and failed to) ignore her and the tiny little voice in my head that urged me to slap her across the head.

"I don't have any clean clothes."

"You should have done your laundry last night."

"It don't matter since I don't have any clothes anyway."

This is SO NOT TRUE, last time I did her laundry, she had twice as many as DT and I put together.

"Sorry, I am NOT RICH," I said, realizing that my voice was rising to an octave way higher than normal.

On the way out to the car, "Why are you being so anal?"

"How am I being anal?" I asked through my clenched jaw which was starting to hurt, matching the clenching of my stomach muscles.

"Last year you didn't have a problem with me staying home."

"Last year you were sick a lot."



I hate being hassled. I really do, it's my day off, MY DAY. All I ask is to not be harassed.

Seven more months till she graduates.

Will I survive? THAT is the question.

I really really feel sorry for those who have little ones and have no idea what's in store for them when their children reach those dreaded years of puberty.

And I empathise with those who do have teenagers, and applaud those who have survived teenagers.

Teenagers can be so wonderful at times, they can be funny, silly, compassionate, and loving. And then there are those times when they are ill tempered, cocky, sarcastic, self absorbed and just plain irritating.

I guess it could be worse, there was a time when I had three teenagers in the house, but sometimes it seems that Boo is worse than those other three put together.

Maybe it's just that I am getting older and less tolerant, or maybe it's just that she is spoiled rotten.

Nevertheless, I refuse to feel guilty for sending her to school. She just didn't feel like going, well SORRY, there are a lot of times I don't feel like going to work but I do anyway.

I have to pick her back up in an hour and take her back to her school after her internship.

Now my queston is:

What did I do with the duct tape?

Sunday, October 28, 2007

In God's view

I've been trying hard to view people through God's eyes, not always an easy endeavor, and I fail more than I would like to admit. It's easy to look down on people because they are different, or because they have no 'eye appeal', or they seem weird, or dirty, or just different than main stream humanity.

It's hard to love the unlovely.

But I am trying and that's all I can do.

Today in church the sermon was on telling people about Jesus, they have really been stressing the point of inviting people to church, mostly because next Sunday is high attendance Sunday.

Ok, this is not something I am very comfortable with. One reason is because I've had people try and shove their religious beliefs down my throat and I don't want to appear that way to others. I prefer 'showing' people by my actions and words what it means to be a Christian, which is something else I am working on. Which does work, on occasion, like with my friend Crystal.

What does this have to do with loving the unlovelies of the world?

Well, there is this man at work, and ok, ok, I even think he is weird.

I had to go into work for 1 today, I have my hours scheduled like that so I can go to church on Sunday mornings.

I ran into Mr. K, the weird guy at the time clock. Ok, I think he is weird, but I do endeavor to be nice to him.

So we end up having this conversation.

Mr. K, "You just comin back from lunch?"

Me, "No, I'm just coming in."

Mr. K, with funny look on his face, "Isn't it late for you to be coming in?"

Me, "On Sundays I don't come in till one so I can go to church in the morning."

Mr. K, "Oh, you like going to church?"

Me, "Yes, and it's the one thing I won't compromise on."

By this time we are both punched in and he is walking with me through the store.

Mr. K, "What church do you go to?"

Me, "Calvary Baptist right over here in Toast."

Mr. K, "You go to Sunday School too before church?"

Me, "Actually, I go to the early service at 8:30 then Sunday School afterwards."

Mr. K, "And you really like it?"

Me, "Yes, I do, I love going to church."

Mr. K, "I really should start going to church."

Me, "You are always welcome to join us!" Where did that come from, did I say that?

Mr. K nods, and says, "I guess you read the Bible all the time too."

Me, "Yes, I am a Bible believing, born again Christian."

Mr. K, "Hmm, that's good, that's good."

At that we parted ways and went off to work in our separate departments.

Now, I am definitely not the type to push my religious beliefs on someone, if I do talk to someone it's because the conversation just turned that way for some reason, if they don't want to hear it, that's fine, I can do nothing to change a person's mind, that is up to God.

I do believe that God places us in certain places with certain people at different times for His purpose to be fulfilled.

And I have seen evidence of this in my own life.

Nineteen months ago I moved here from Pennsylvania. I didn't find a job for almost three months, then I landed a job at the sock warehouse, where I met my friend Crystal.

Crystal has been through a lot in the last year, her brother died of a drug overdose at the age of 31, she was fired from a job she loved, she has had some health issues of her own, she ended a long term relationship with her boyfriend, but she is now a faithful member of the same church I belong too.

Now, I know God didn't 'need' me to get her back into church, but He did use me to get her there. I am humbled and awed by the fact that He could have used anyone to fulfill His will, but He used me.

I don't want people to go to church because they feel that they 'have' too, I don't want people to go to church because they want a social life and they feel that is where they will get it, I don't want people to go to church because it's the thing to do, or a status thing, or even out of habit.

I want people to go to church because they can learn about the love of Jesus for all mankind.

I've been to all kinds of churches in my life, Roman Catholic, Lutheran, UMC, Baptist, and so on. I've been a member of several different churches, one I was soured on because of the whole money issue, one I was soured on because of the political games, one was too legalistic and judgemental, and yes it's a shame that this happens, but I have come to realize that we are all terrible sinners and when you put a bunch of us together you can end up with greed, power plays and even hypocrites.

Jesus didn't come to judge, He came to save the sinners, like you and I. He sat and ate with sinners, real people like you and I. He chose those people over the supposedly righteous folks to eat with.

He chose people like fishermen and tax collectors to be His disciples, He didn't choose scholars and priests nor the rich and powerful.

He chose us.

He chose me.

I don't have anything to give to Him but myself. Any gifts or talents I have are because He gave them to me. I am not well known or famous, I am not rich by any means, I came from a poor background, I make many, many mistakes in my life, I get depressed, discouraged and even lonely. I am so imperfect in so many ways, yet He loved me so much that He died for me.

This is the message of the Gospel, it's not about how much money a church can collect, or how powerful someone can be, it's not even about being able to quote scripture, it's simply and yet powerfully all about Jesus and what He did for all of us on the cross, freeing us from the punishment of death that we deserve by taking it all upon Himself.

Jesus truly loves the unlovely, even one such as me.

Saturday, October 27, 2007


It finally stopped raining, but it's a grey day.

Everything just seems gloomy after having so many days of rain, my roses are even bent over as if they are weary.

Oh, the sun just peaked through the clouds, I can see a glimpse of it through the window.

A ray of sunshine, like a ray of hope.

A new day, pregnant with a million possibilities. Who knows what the day will hold?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Soggy Days

It's raining.


We are in severe drought conditions, so we really do need the rain, but it's been three days now and I am starting to long for the sun. The wet weather doesn't make my ankles and hands feel too good either.

Today, I was at work, in the freezer putting stock up when suddenly the power went out and I was in pitch black. My co-worker found a flashlight and came searching for me, I saw a beam of light and I followed it out of that black hole.

The power was out in the whole store for over an hour, customers were asked to leave, the open coolers were covered with tarps, all the computers and registers were down. So I found things to do that didn't need power, it's fun wrapping bread in the dark. LOL

It made for some excitement anyway in an otherwise same ol', same ol' day at work. It's always fun watching Managers scurrying around in panic mode.

Tonight I came home and Boo was actually in bed ready to go to sleep so I didn't have to fight her for the computer. I peeked in the dishwasher, and saw she didn't put the dishes away like I asked her too, for a moment I was mad, then I thought, Oh well, they can stay for another day, it won't hurt them, but she will get talked to tomorrow about it. On the way to school, when I have her trapped in the car. LOL

So I actually got on the computer and did some tweaking to my blog, changed the comment settings so now anyone can comment, and a couple other little things.

Checked my email, answered one, left all the forwards to deal with another day. I will probably end up deleting most of them, I'm not big on forwarding a kazillion emails to everyone in my address book.

I got to talk to my Dad yesterday, in a way I couldn't wait to get off the phone, he cusses like a sailor, and even though I love him, I have a hard time with hearing that. It's bad enough I have to fuss at DT on occasion about his mouth. Dad is doing pretty good though. I talked to Grandma too the other day and she still sounds like her usual robust self, to be 86 years old and as healthy as she is, is awesome.

DT's dad was in the hospital last week. He went to the doctor on Wednesday, with ankles that were swollen like melons. The doctor didn't say anything about the swelling, just checked him and sent him home. When he got home, his oxygen machine wasn't working so he couldn't breathe at all. Mom called the ambulance and they took him to the hospital. He was suffering from congestive heart failure, so they sent him to another hospital after getting him stabilized. The doctors at the hospital couldn't believe his doctor sent him home like that. He came home Friday much better, and lost 8 pounds of water in just a couple of days. Needless to say, they are looking for a new doctor. Can't blame them there, I could have told them he was a crappy doctor, I used to go to him and he never did much for me when I had problems.

Thankfully, he is much better now. Ya know, it makes you wonder, if his machine hadn't broke when it did, he might have died. He must have an angel watching over him.

DT of course was upset, and asked me what he would do if something terrible happened to his dad, and I just said, 'Go home, of course, God will provide.'

Well, I guess I better get off of here and go on to bed, my feet are cold and I am longing for the heating pad.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


Yep, I did it.


A lot of reasons.

But mostly because I just wanted to start over, change, make things different.

I am a woman after all, and that's my perogative.

I know I haven't been around much lately, I've had bad moments, but I made it through, with God's help.

I have settled a lot of things in my heart and my head recently putting in a lot of thought and prayer in the process.

In the last week or so, I began feeling something, something miracoulous, a sense of peace.

Financially, little has changed, although I am thankful that things haven't gotten worse. My marriage is still hanging in there, and I suppose things could be worse.

But, even though things haven't really changed in my world, I find that I am changing, and it's all good.

I change, my blog changes.

I actually feel Joyful, not because things have changed, but because I am looking more and more to God.

I am on a new journey and learning to embrace the Light.

Welcome, and I hope you all join me in my new journey.

Love and Hugs,