2008

Wow, where did 2007 go?

Is it just me or does time seem to go faster as we get older?

Well, here we are facing another year of whatever is to come.

This is the day that many will make New Year's Resolutions. I stopped making resolutions long ago, because I never ever stick to them.

But this year, I will.

I resolve to be a better person tomorrow than I am today.

I resolve to try and not get upset over the small things that bother me.

I resolve to help my husband with our budget and stick to it so we can get out of debt.

I resolve to be thankful each day for the things I do have, and not fret over the things I don't have.

I resolve to smile more, laugh more and sing more.

I resolve to learn one new thing this year, even if it is a challenge.

I resolve to be kinder to others, to give of myself when and where I can.

I resolve to try not to whine and complain.

I resolve to try and have a good day each and every day.

And I will remember each day that God is with me, loving me, caring for me, holding me, carrying me and leading me.


And my prayer for each of you who reads this is that all of you are blessed many times over throughout 2008.

See ya next year!!!

Bleh

I am so tired. Thursday night, I worked till 8 pm, had to pick up some things afterwards, like dog food, so didn't get home till 9, came home to a pile of dishes in the sink, ugh. Cleaned up, then tried to relax, and go to bed since I had to be back at work for 4 am the next morning.

I laid down a little after ten, couldn't sleep, tossed and turned. I think I get worried that I won't hear the alarm when I have to get up so early. I finally started to doze, when around 11:30 Maggie started to howl and cry outside.

I got up and went outside to see what her problem was, she seemed fine, so I told her to hush and go lay down. She looked at me, went in her box, and quieted down.

My hands, wrists and ankles were hurting like a toothache, so I took an OTC pain reliever and went back to bed to toss and turn. I think I finally started dozing off when the alarm went off at 2 am.

I jumped up in panic, 'I'm UP, I'm UP!!!'

I stumbled out of bed, drank some coffee, got ready for work, and off I went, feeling like a wet dish rag all day, and 1 pm couldn't come fast enough.

I finally got home feeling totally exhausted and just wanted to go to sleep, but hubby was home so we sat and talked for a while, worked on our finances for the next couple of weeks, and then sat until about 5, when we both decided we were hungry.

We could have eaten some of the left over turkey.

Yuck.

We decided to go to the Chinese buffet, sounded good to me, he drove and I didn't have to cook.

After stuffing ourselves, we came home and went to bed, hubby to watch tv and me to fall into an exhausted sleep. Actually, I think I passed out cold.

At around 11 pm, hubby woke me saying something about the cops being next door. I really didn't care at first, but then curiosity got the better of me and I got up to be nosy.

There really was nothing interesting to see, two cop cars, lights flashing as they talked to the neighbor and his passenger in a car. The cops did take the passenger, who knows why?

We went back to bed then, I started dozing and hubby woke me again.

"What's that noise?"

There was a persistent noise in the basement, coming through the vents. At first I thought it was the cats, forgetting for a sleepy moment that they are gone.

After a while, the noise stopped, neither one of us willing to go down and check it out.

I soon fell asleep again, to dream that Noodles showed up, half starved and bedraggled. The noises in the basement must have conjured her in my dreams.

In my dream, I was feeding her and then cuddling her and telling her that no one was going to take her away from me again.

It was so real, that I woke up feeling empty and missing her so much.

And I don't feel rested at all.

I have to work tonight and tomorrow, then I am off Monday.

I am drinking my fourth cup of coffee still fighting the effects of drowsiness, which doesn't seem to be working.

Maybe after a shower I will feel better, and hopefully I will sleep better tonight.

And if my hubby wakes me up....

Quiet Christmas

Christmas is just not the same.

Oh, it wasn't a bad Christmas, just quiet.

We went to the Christmas Eve service at church at 11 pm. When we got out it was a few minutes after midnight, and Boo immediately started bugging me about opening her presents when we got home.

'It's not Christmas yet.'

'YES it is! It's after midnight!'

*sigh*

'Mommy! Can't I open one? You always let me open one!'

She's not spoiled, not at all.

*snort*

'Fine, I'll just wake you up at six in the morning.'

'I don't think so.'

My need for sleep outweighed my common sense, and after all, she had a point, it officially was Christmas morning, so guess who got to open her presents?

I gave her the Christmas Eve present first, which of course was pajamas, it's always pajamas. A tradition my mother started when I was little.

Then she ripped into the rest, she didn't get much, but she did get things she really needed, like socks, and under things.

And of course, the horsie.


Which the dog was a little freaked out by.

And here is a better one of Glory, getting into the Christmas Spirit. Well, kind of.

She really wasn't all that happy with the whole Santa hat thing.

We then went off to bed, waking later than usual Christmas day. There was no rushing around. I did cook a big meal, we have LOTS of left over turkey.

We called everyone we could think of.

Of course, I felt like crying when I was talking to my other children. I could hear my grandchildren in the background, and my heart longed to be with them all. I held back the tears, I didn't want to upset them.

I also called my Grandma, and got to talk to my Uncle who traveled from Texas to Michigan with my nephew to spend Christmas with Grandma.

I called my Dad and got to talk to my little brother, who is really not so little anymore, being a big old grown man, married with four sons.

I talked to both my sisters back home, and my little niece who at 8 years old sounds so grown up.

I miss everyone, I miss the hustle and bustle, the kids squealing, the grownups laughing and talking, the food, the family and friends, all the busyness and activity.

I cooked, we ate, Boo went off to visit her boyfriend, DT watched tv, and after clean up, I fell asleep on the couch.

It wasn't a bad Christmas, it was just not the same.

Gifts

My Dad has been telling me for several years now that he is giving me a thousand dollars.

Someday, in the year two thousand and never.

Ya see, my Dad is a promise maker, but after many, many years of broken promises, I take everything he says with a grain of salt.

He may have the best of intentions, but he never follows through.

So on Saturday, I actually received a Christmas card from him.

In shock, I quickly opened it.

Hubby watched me then started laughing as I took the opened the envelope, glanced in the card, then shook the envelope upside down.

'Still looking for that thousand dollars?'

'Course I am! Do you think MY Dad would lie?' I said, giggling.

Hubby just rolled his eyes.

In exaggerated disgust I tossed the obviously empty envelope on the table.

But really, I am just glad he thought of me, over the years, cards, letters and even phone calls have been rare things. Visits even rarer. I haven't seen my Dad in 13 years, and as for calls, I usually call him.

I want a relationship with my Dad, of course I do, especially since he was out of my life as a child.

And he is my Dad, and despite his faults, I do love him.

I have a Dad who is imperfect in his humanness, as we all are.

I accept that, he will never be the father I always lacked and always longed for. When other little girls were being tucked into bed by doting fathers, I was crying myself to sleep.

Over the years, and through the tears, I learned to turn to my real Father. One who will never break a promise, will never abandon me, will never hurt me. One who will wipe away my tears, hold me close, and give me comfort.

He is truly the Father of the fatherless.

Today is Christmas Eve, and on this day many people the world over anticipate receiving gifts. Fancy gifts, expensive gifts, homemade gifts, thoughtfully picked out gifts, weird gifts, unappreciated gifts, even ugly gifts or useless gifts that will be re gifted somewhere down the road.

But after a while, those gifts become meaningless, empty, broken and eventually forgotten and discarded.

However, there is a gift that has been bestowed upon us that will never fall apart, will never rot or rust and will never wear out.

A gift that man has anticipated since the beginning of time.

John 1
The Word Became Flesh

1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2He was with God in the beginning.

3Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4In him was life, and that life was the light of men. 5The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

6There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. 7He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. 8He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. 9The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.

10He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. 11He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 12Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— 13children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.

14The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

15John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.' " 16From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. 17For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. 18No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only,who is at the Father's side, has made him known.


On this day we celebrate His birth, but the truth goes farther, to His death that redeems us, to His rising to the right hand of the Father, and ultimately to His return to gather His own to Him.

On this day we should anticipate not only the celebration of His birth, but the promise of that great and glorious day of His return.

Although it would have been nice, I didn't receive money from my dad, that's ok, it would have only lasted for as long as it took me to spend it.

I have received a much greater gift than money, an eternal gift, the Gift of His Son, Mighty God, Lord of Lords, Emmanuel, God with us, Alpha and Omega, The Word, Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace.

Jesus Christ, my Savior and the Savior of the world.

Expect the Unexpected.

In a couple days it will be Christmas, and when I think about the real meaning of this day, I become awestruck.

In the days of Christ's birth, the Israelites were under Roman oppression. They kept watching and hoping for the Messiah, but what they expected in the Messiah was not what they got.

They expected Him to come save them from oppression in a blaze of glory. They expected Him to be a mighty warrior who would lead them into victorious battle against their oppressors.

What they got, what we got was a little baby. A baby born in a lowly manner, to a young girl, and laid in a manger. He wasn't born in a palace surrounded by riches and servants.

Jesus did come to save us from oppression, but not the kind of oppression that the Israelites suffered, it wasn't our physical bodies that He came to save, it was our very souls. He came to save us from the oppression of sin.

Sin which separates us from God.

He came to save us from eternal death.

He came to free us from oppression of the soul, so we can enjoy true freedom under the banner of God's love.

From His lowly birth to His gruesome death, He accomplished His goal, and it wasn't in the manner that we as humans would have expected from God.

He didn't send a soldier, He sent a Shepherd,
He didn't send a rich man, He sent a poor man,
He didn't send a powerful man, He sent a merciful man,
He didn't come to destroy, but to heal,
He didn't come to condemn, but to redeem,
He was born so that He would die,
He died, so that we may live.




A Strange Way To Save The World


Two thousand years ago, there was no room in the inn for Him, but there is room in our hearts if we just let Him in.

To do list..

I am one of those people who needs to write lists and cross things off, it gives me a sense of satisfaction, and keeps me on track.

Today, I was supposed to work, but after talking to my boss yesterday, he told me to take today off since I worked Saturday when I was supposed to be off and I would have had mega over time. It was ok by me, I would have had to work a seven day stretch, and I needed time to get some stuff done.

Last night I wrapped presents, packaged them up and got them ready to put in the mail today.

This morning, I wrote out 35 Christmas cards, (late as usual), addressed them, stamped them, and then I was off to the Post Office. I dropped the cards in the drive by box, then parked to take the packages in.

I had two big boxes and one small one. I pulled them out of the back of the Jeep, balanced them precariously on top of each other and slowly and carefully started walking to the door.

Of course, I wasn't careful enough and the small one went flying to the ground. Sighing, I set the big ones down on the ground, and suddenly a very nice woman came running up, 'Here let me help you!' She very kindly carried one for me, held the doors open and helped me inside.

See, there are still kind people in the world. I was very appreciative and thanked her and wished her a Merry Christmas.

After posting my packages, I went to pay my water bill, and return the way, way, WAY overdue library books which have been staring at me for weeks now.

Off to the bank, the grocery store, where I got a 15 pound turkey for $0.29 a pound, can't beat that. They also had a ton of different things for $0.50, like frozen waffles and bags of frozen veges. Yes, love deals like that.

I had to go to another store for dog food, since that store doesn't carry my brand. I also picked up shampoo and razors since I forgot to get them at the other store. See, I need lists!

I came home, unloaded the groceries, put laundry in the washer, cleaned the kitchen up, emptied the dishwasher, took a break.

Laid down for a half hour.

Till Boo came bee bopping in the house like gangbusters.

She left, I laid down again, and for some reason Maggie, one of our outside dogs started hollering and fussing.

I got up again, went to the door and yelled at her, and gave up on the nap.

I then went to the dollar store, picked up some small things for Boo, then went to the hospital for my rabies shot.

Joy.

One more shot to go and I am DONE.

Came home, called my friend Crystal, and started making a pot of Chili while I gabbed with her.

Got off the phone, emptied the dryer, filled it again, and filled the washer again, where DOES all the laundry come from?

I then ate some Chili with chunks of cheese.

Brrrrrrrrrp.

'Scuse me.'

I then tackled the bathrooms, yuck.

But they are shining now, and marked off my list.

I swept the floors, including all the leaves that keep shedding everyday off my ficus tree, it's worse than the dog.

Folded laundry.

Dusted the living room.

Took a shower and I am beat.

I am thinking about all I did today, no wonder I am tired. It would have been easier to go to work.

I still have this cold, it just doesn't want to quit already. I also think I pulled a stomach muscle from coughing, it hurts and I have to hold it when I do cough.

I also have more presents to wrap, and I really hate wrapping presents, I am just not good at it, my back ends up hurting, I get frustrated with it.

Oh, and I did buy Boo her horsie, it is really cute, and I cheated and bought a gift bag for it.


I posed him in front of my Charlie Brown tree, and I had a hard time getting him to sit up, since his head is so big, he kept falling over.

I could have bought her a pair of jeans, well almost, but this is so much more fun, don't ya think?

So I am done with Christmas shopping, and it's not even Christmas Eve yet! Which is really good for me.

Now it's time for bed.

Perspective and Prayers

Today, ok, I admit it, the last few days, I have been weepy and sad. I cried yesterday, the day before and a couple times today.

I can't put my finger on the why, oh I have several different things, for one, Christmas, so close, a holiday I used to get so excited about, it didn't just mean the celebration of Christ's birth, of course the most important aspect of it, but it also meant, family, my family, gathered together.

It didn't matter about the gifts we gave or received, or how much food we ate, although we did do those things, but what mattered was being together. We had some pretty lean Christmases over the years, somehow we would get through, together.

It's so different now, I find myself missing the days when my kids were little, I miss those Christmas Eve nights when I would read Luke 2 to them before they went to sleep. I miss having them jump on my bed Christmas morning in all their young exuberance and excitement.

They are all so far away, and I can't even see my grandchildren.

So I guess I am feeling sorry for myself. I am really tired, have been sick, the loss of the cats still weighs on me as does my DIL's miscarriage, we are really struggling financially, and I spend more time alone without my husband than I should.

And then I heard heartbreaking news, and I wonder why I have been feeling so sorry for myself, when things like this happen. It has a tendency to put things in perspective.

There is a young lady who really needs prayers, her name is Kayla, she has been fighting cancer for some time now, please visit and leave a comment and say a prayer or two or three for her. She beat this before, she can do it again.

I have so much to be thankful for, and this young lady has so much to live for, all her hopes, her dreams, and the love she shares with others.

God can and does give miracles, let's pray that He gives Kayla one.

Tonight, I am shedding tears, but not for myself, my tears are for Kayla.

Just stop.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed with Christmas just a week away, a list a mile long, being sick and having to work everyday, this morning I just wanted to cry.

I went to pick Boo up from school to take her to her internship, and as I sat in the car waiting, I looked up.

The sky was a clear blue, with big puffy clouds hovering here and there, and for that moment, time seemed suspended and I realized that sometimes we just need to stop and be still.

Stop and notice what is all around us, the beauty of nature, the blue sky, the squirrel climbing the tree, and other things, like a baby's smile, or the lonely, poor, cold man walking down the street. Sometimes, we need to stop and just say Thank You.

Thank You that I have a mind to think and reason.

Thank You that I have a heart to love with.

Thank You that I have arms to hug with and hands to work with.

Thank You for my eyes that can see beauty.

Thank You for my ears to hear.

And Thank You for my nose to smell the aroma of food and flowers.

Sometimes we get so busy with all the life things, worry and stress, work, family and friends, school, bills, money or lack of, constantly going, pressuring ourselves to keep going, keep performing, keep striving, that we forget to stop.

We forget to reflect, we see but we don't observe, we hear but we don't listen, we say we love, but we don't show it, we, well, we get so wrapped up in the busyness of our lives, in the problems, the activities, the things, that we often overlook the most important things.

Sometimes we just need to stop.

Be still.

Reflect.

Observe.

Listen.

Love.

And give thanks.

I'm so sick! Whimper!

I am so sick I didn't even go to church this morning, unable to barely even function.

I feel bad about not going, I rarely ever miss church, it was a case of my mind saying go, and my body saying, sleep.

So I slept, most of the day, and didn't accomplish a thing.

When I finally woke around threeish, I still felt pretty yucky and had a hard time opening my eyes, and I was super thirsty.

Crystal is really sick too, she called me and told me she didn't make it to church either.

This is what in the south they not so affectionately refer to as THE CRUD.

It truly makes you feel cruddy.

I was so out of it, I realized after my mind became somewhat functional, that I hadn't even taken a shower or brushed my teeth since yesterday. Upon that realization I truly felt disgusting. So I took a long, hot shower, scrubbed my teeth and felt if not 100% better, at least more comfortable.

I feel like I could really use a couple of more days of rest, but I have to go back to work tomorrow.

Oh JOY.

I don't wanna.

I really, really don't wanna.

*sigh*

I guess I am not singing in the choir since I barely have a voice and I have a cough that sounds like a dog barking.

Woof, woof, woof.

Unless by some miracle I get better soon.

Changes AGAIN!!

Yep, I've been messing around with my template, so bear with me, cuz it may change again. Who knows?

I came across that pic and really liked it, I tried it with my title, and didn't like it, so for now, sans title and description.

I had a terrible couple days at work, stress levels are high, customers are zeroing in on bargains and it has become a shopping frenzy.

I was supposed to be off today, but we are short staffed and the manager took advantage of my good nature, and I was going in for 5:30 am. Yuck. I was supposed to leave at 2:30, yeah right. I was stuck there till 3:30. I told one of my co-workers, I am stuck in Wally World and I can't get out!!!

My boss then asked me if I could work tomorrow.

Ok, I am NOT that much of a door mat, and I actually, for the first time since I have been there told her no, NO, NO!!!

Tomorrow will be my one day off till Christmas Eve, I have a terrible cold, I am terribly tired, and really need a day to relax, a day to spend with God, and refresh my weary body and soul.

Last night at work was terrible and I ended up crying to one of the big managers no less, sobbing in frustration.

It was horrible and embarrassing, and I went in today with trepidation and of course, EVERYONE KNOWS.

I am hoping the rumor mill moves on quickly to the next person. Not that I wish gossip and harm on anyone, I don't, I just don't want all that attention on me.

It's been a very long couple of weeks, there has been heartache and stress, and tomorrow, I am going to just take time to pray.

That is what I really need.

Wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.

There was an incident this morning that made me think of this verse.

Boo had asked me to go to McDonald's this morning before school, I haven't had time to do my weekly grocery shopping so I really don't have anything quick to make for breakfast.

So off I went while she got ready for school.

On the way, a woman in a white car cut me off.

Fine, I guess she was in a hurry.

She turned into MickeyD's ahead of me and went to the drive through so she was right ahead of me.

I was distracted for a moment and when I looked up, she was giving me the finger.

I have no idea why, since she was the one who cut me off and I didn't even respond to it.

I just ignored her, I find that it's better to just ignore the actions of nasty, mean people.

The worst part was that she had her young children in the car.

What an epitome of good parenting, right?

Afterwards, this verse came to my mind, and I realized that what is in the heart comes out in personality and actions. I then said a prayer for this unknown woman.

I pray that my actions will always reflect what God has done in my heart. And if I don't, then I pray that God will convict me so that I will do better.

I always believed that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

I remember an incident a number of years ago. During one holiday season, right before Thanksgiving, I was working in a book store. A woman came to the counter to make her purchase and she wrote a check. The store's policy was that we needed to see their driver's license when someone wrote a check. Apparently this woman had a problem with that, and just started reading the number off to me. I said, 'I am sorry, ma'am, but store policy says I need to actually see your license.' Angrily, she threw her license at me.

I calmly punched in the numbers and handed her licence back to her and finished the transaction. When I handed her the bag and receipt, I smiled brightly and said, 'Have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!'

She was quite taken aback, because after all, why would someone she was so rude to be nice back?

Romans 12:20
On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."

Some days it is really hard to be nice to others, especially during the holidays when people seem even worse than usual. But maybe that person is having a particularly hard time, maybe they are going through a divorce, their child is in trouble, problems at work or unemployment, or even a death in the family. We have no way of knowing.

Sometimes, all that person needs is a smile and a kind word.

And a prayer.

We may not know that person and their needs, but God does.

We may have a hard time loving the unlovely, but then we aren't always so lovely either, and God doesn't have a problem loving all people, lovely or not.

Maybe we need to learn to look at people through God's eyes.

Finding the good things

Even during sad times, God showers blessings, if only we open our eyes and look for them.

My husband was worried that the insurance wouldn't pay for my shots so he called them, the good news is that they are paying for it 100% AND they are waiving the co-pay since I have to go so many times. At $50.00 a visit, this is good news indeed.

Last night, Boo and I attended a play at The Andy Griffith Playhouse. It was A Dicken's Tale, adapted from A Christmas Carol. The church provided everyone with free tickets, which was pretty cool. It was a blessing to spend time with my daughter, and we really enjoyed it.

I got my schedule for the week of Christmas, we are closed Christmas day, and somehow I am scheduled off Christmas Eve. I am also off this weekend, and I am hoping I can get some stuff down around the house and maybe some Christmas shopping done, since I haven't even started.

On the way home last night, Boo made me laugh. We stopped at a little convenience store so I could pick up something we needed quick, Boo waited while I ran in. When I came out, she yelled, 'I WANT THE HORSIE!!!' I looked at her in confusion, 'What?'

'LOOK,' she yelled, pointing inside the store window, 'I want the horsie with the big head and little body.' I looked and sure enough, there was a big stuffed horse hanging there.

All the way home, she repeated over and over, 'I want the horsie! I want the horsie!'

At 17, she can be such a little girl at times, and maybe I will surprise her with the horsie for Christmas.

She has a gift of making me laugh when I so need it, my daughter is truly a treasure.

Yes, even during sad times, I can find many things to be thankful for.

Old things pass away.

That statement is so true.

I was reading some of my posts in my old blog from Christmases past, waxing nostalgic, I suppose. Missing family and friends, missing snowy wintry mornings, the hustle and bustle of preparing for Christmas, the Pennsylvania mountains capped in snow.

And Noodles.


Last night, it hit me so hard that she is gone and I cried and cried, Boo heard me and came in my bedroom, sat behind me and wrapped her arms around me. Even with her own hurt and heartache, she wanted to comfort her mama.

Oh, I loved all the cats, but Noodles was so special, so unique in personality, that from the first moment I set eyes on her in the pet store, I was in love.

It was that little orange face.



Last night it hit me that she is really gone, maybe it was when I came home from work and she wasn't there, running across the yard to see me.



I think that if she had died naturally, it wouldn't be easy, but it would be a bit easier to accept.



The part that really hurts is that they took her away as if she had no value, as if she meant nothing. As if no one loved her.



But she was worth something, she was loved. And she is sorely missed.



I am working through my grief one day at a time, one prayer at a time. Some people may not understand the grief one feels at the loss of a beloved pet, but it is real, it is painful. She was part of my family, and every where I look there are memories, her laying in the kitchen window, dashing across the yard, rubbing against the dog.



I would tell her to give me some love, and she would jump on my lap and rub her face against mine, purring and happy.

Some day, I know that the hurt will ease, and I will be able to remember her with a smile, but for now, I grieve her loss.

In the meantime, I grasp onto the hope I have in Jesus, my greatest Comforter. Last night I had a dream that I was walking in a meadow, I was heartbroken and lonely and crying. I found a path that led to a beautiful valley and Jesus was there, just sitting there as if He was waiting for me. I went to my knees before Him and told Him that I wasn't worthy for Him to even look upon, but He lifted my face and looked at me and told me that He loved me. I cried at His feet, and He put His hand on my head.

Even in my dreams I seek Him.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.

Trials

James 1:2-4
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:12
12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.


Being a Christian does not guarantee a perfect, problem free life. Although many people believe so, then they are disappointed that it isn't so.



James wrote the passage above knowing that we would face many trials. We suffer through things as many others do, but there is a difference.



As a Christian, we have a God who provides us with the things we need to get through the tough times. And we can claim the power of Christ as we struggle and muddle through. He has provided us with powerful tools, if we only are willing to use them.




The things we suffer open us up to a greater faith, faith not in ourselves or our own abilities, but faith in a God who loves us. Faith is a gift from God, and when our faith is refined and strengthened through our reliance on God, our lives become a testimony to others.

Prayer, which is more than a cry for help, it is direct communication with God. And when we pray we should always have the attitude of praise, thanksgiving and worship no matter what we are going through.

Through prayer, we develop a closer more intimate relationship with our Creator as we continually turn to Him. He allows us to go through these things so that we will turn to Him. Often we have a tendency to turn away, those are the times He keeps pushing us down until we are on our knees. He even allows are hearts to be broken, oftentimes over and over again, until our hearts are wide open to His love.


There are two things which He gifts us with so that our burdens are easier to bear.

Hope, even a small flicker of hope can grow and burn brighter and brighter. Hope for what is yet to come. Hope for tomorrow. Hope for an eternal inheritance as co-heirs with Christ. Hope for the day when all sorrow will no longer be, when all tears are wiped away and all hearts are healed of brokenness. Hope that there will be a day when all sickness and disease no longer exists, when all sin is vanquished and we will be perfect beings reflecting God's glory.

We also have peace. Peace that comes from the knowledge that God is always with us, during good times and bad. Peace in knowing that He does not forsake the ones He loves. Peace in the promise of what is to come, that all this will pass away, but His promise and His love never will.

James tells us to persevere during the testing of our faith, this doesn't mean we don't suffer, or grieve or cry, it doesn't mean that we need to be strong, we can't in and of ourselves. Our strength lies in the Power of God's love, in the hope that is ours through the Power of Christ's sacrifice, and through the peace that He gives us in the knowledge that He is in control, and through our faith in the One who longs for a deeper relationship with us.

Through loss and grief, we gain love, peace, hope, joy, maturity, strength and a closer walk with God and in the process our God is glorified!

Long week.

I don't know exactly what I did, but now my template is white, just white, and I am just too tired to mess with it anymore tonight.

I am finally done working my seven day stretch, and I am off tomorrow!

Woo Woo!!!

I feel better today, although I did go for my shot tonight and my arm really, really hurts. Three more to go, and I am not looking forward to it.

I went to church this morning and ended up crying in Sunday School, I love all my brothers and sisters there, they were so sympathetic and some even cried with me.

My friend Crystal is going through a rough time right now as well. She is only bearing things because God is seeing her through. This Wednesday is the one year anniversary of her brother's death, I posted about it last year on my old blog. He was only 31, so that is looming large in her mind. She is pretty broke and is struggling financially. And she had more bad news this week, her aunt has been diagnosed with cancer in her kidneys, lungs and spine.

Crystal is the dearest, sweetest woman I know. She cried over my cats as if they were her own. Every time she sees her own cats, she cries because it reminds her of my own loss. She is going through her own troubles, yet she she grieves with me over my loss. God has provided me with such a wonderful friend in her, and I pray that I am as good a friend to her as she has been to me.

It has been the longest couple of weeks for me, I am beat.

So I believe I am going off to pray, read my Bible a bit and then sleep.

Tomorrow is another day, and maybe I can tackle the piles of laundry that seems to have multiply over night.

Rainbow Bridge

Rest in Peace.

Noodles and Knock Knock and babies.

December 7, 2007

What happened?

Sheesh, if it's not one thing it's another.

I am sitting here looking at my blog. I accidently clicked it off, when I went back, my background was changed!!!

I don't want Santa on my blog, I liked my snowflakes!!

Now I have to fix it, grrrrrrrr.

And I will lose all my links and widgets and have to do it ALL over.

What a pain!!!

I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS!!!

And I want to know HOW my template got changed!

*breathe*

Ok, I need to calm down, I am just really still upset about my cats, and this is a minor thing, and I really shouldn't get all that upset about it.

Right?

Right.

Yesterday, Animal Control set box cages up in my basement since the cats have free access.

They are all trapped, it's awful.

This morning, I heard one of them crying through the kitchen floor.

I am crying with them, and I can't bear to go down there. I wish Animal Control would just come and get them, this is torture.

Not that I want to lose them, but this waiting is killing me.

When I got up this morning, I fed the dog, and had to remind myself that I didn't need to feed the cats. When I let the dog out for her morning ritual, it was hard not seeing the cats on the back porch waiting to be fed.

As for the rabies shots, they have changed things, no longer are they administered in the stomach. I received one in my arm, one in my behind, and the last one and most painful, was one needle which was repeatedly shot in around the wound area. The other four will be administered over the next 28 days, on the 9th, the 15th, the 20th, and January 3rd. They also put me on antibiotics for any secondary infections that may arise. Fortunately, I had my tetanus shot in 2005, so that is still good and I didn't have to have that additional pain.

It was so bad, I told the nurse that I would rather give birth.

But the needle pain fades, the heart pain is another matter.

On top of the loss of my grandchild, this is hard to bear.

I know with God's help, I will get through this.


DT held me last night as I sobbed, he is just as upset, he really loves Knock Knock (Enoch).

I am so thankful that my dogs are safe, I don't think I could have handled the loss of them as well.

Never ever assume

As I write this post, I am in pain physically and in my heart.

I assumed Noodles rabies shot was a three year shot, and I was wrong.

There was a raccoon in my yard yesterday, Animal Control came and got it. Noodles went after the raccoon, and they fought.

Today, Animal Control called.

The raccoon had rabies.

They came to set traps for my cats.

Enoch and the two kittens were too young for shots.

Yesterday, Noodles scratched me.

Tonight, I had three rabies shots and I have to go back for four more.

My heart is broken over Noodles and Enoch. They are my babies, and they are taking them and going to put them down.

Never assume your animals are safe.

I could have taken a chance and not went to the hospital, and I may have been dead in ten to fifteen days.

Rabies is a gruesome, painful death.

As painful as the shots are, I had rather be safe than sorry.

How weird is it that all my dog's shots were three year shots, but the cat's wasn't?

There is nothing I can do to save my cats.

And it breaks my heart.

Five things Meme

I've been tagged.

Yep, my new friend, Loveable tagged me with a meme.

I am supposed to list five weird/random facts about me then tag five more people.

Now we all know how much I LOVE memes, (can you hear the sarcasm?), but since I am such a nice person I will play along.

Besides, I can't think of anything else to write about at the moment.

So here it is, five weird/random things about me.


1. Where does a five feet tall, 110 pound woman put five slices of pizza with bacon and mushrooms? I have no clue, all I know is that I can stuff myself till I feel like I am going to explode, an hour later be starving again, and I don't gain an ounce. This is a blessing I am really thankful for since I absolutely love food.


2. Sometimes when I am home alone, I put a favorite CD on and sing my heart out. I really do love to sing, but it's hard for me to sing in front of others, something I am working on.


3. I have a tendency to get excited about a new interest or activity, then lose interest after a while. I get bored easily, so I don't like to do things that are repetitive in nature. I think that is one reason I have had so many different jobs.


4. My one wish is that I didn't have to work, I miss being a stay at home wife and mother. I get frustrated easily because there are so many things I want to do but work cuts into my time and I have a hard time just keeping up with the everyday things like laundry and housekeeping. I hate being on an employer's time schedule, it really irks me.


5. I love cake, so much in fact that I once ate three-fourths of a full sheet cake over a three day period. However, I don't much like chocolate cake, I would rather have yellow or white cake. I don't like chocolate ice cream either, I don't eat much ice cream due to a intolerance of dairy products, but when I do I always get vanilla ice cream. I do like chocolate, as long as it is in candy form, and I prefer dark over milk chocolate.

Well, there are my five things. I am supposed to tag five people, but I won't, I will just leave an open invitation to anyone who wants to play along.

One down...

six more to go.

Days of work that is, I am working a seven day stretch.

Joy.

Then I get one day off, then work one, then a day off. I would rather have my two days off in a row, but it rarely works like that.

*sigh*

I'm not really complaining, it just makes for one tired Deni.

Tomorrow night I have my first choir practice, I talked to the manager and asked him if I could leave work early to go as long as I got my work done and he was fine with that.

I am excited and really nervous about it! I tried to practice with the CD when I got home from work last night, but my throat is a bit sore so I think I sounded awful! I need to get some throat lozenges before tomorrow.

I think I am trying to come down with a cold, the sore throat, a bit of congestion and sneezing are pretty strong indications. I hope not, that would put a pretty big damper on my singing.

I did have this past weekend off which was nice. DT, Boo and I put up the Christmas decorations on Saturday, but yesterday it was so windy that half of them blew down. I set them on the porch till I can get them back up.

It's a hard thing for me to decorate the house for Christmas, even though I love the holiday so much. It always brings out nostalgia and homesickness. A tear or two is always shed, then I gather myself together and get it done.

There are so many memories tucked away in those boxes marked Christmas, ornaments that hung on my mother's tree, things my kids made when they were little, gifts from loved ones and good friends. A lifetime of memories.

Now I need to make new memories to go along with my new life.

I have a lot to be thankful for during this Christmas season.

I am posting one of my favorite Christmas songs, I think it says it all.

Today was a GOOD day!

Oh it started out a little rough, I got up early not really wanting to, made my coffee and sat for a bit to wake up.

I took my shower, and I really need to start getting my clothes ready for church the night before.

I took out my beautiful green sweater dress, a thrift shop find, and ironed it, only to discover that the hem has fallen out.

I thought I would just tack it up quick, but of course a sewing needle was not to be found, not in my sewing machine, or even the pin cushion or even in my cross stitch stuff. Now I know I have needles, but where they may be is another story.

So I ironed my black velvet that DT bought me quite a few years back.

After doing my hair and makeup, I was running a little late, but I made it to church in time.

They made an announcement that they were still looking for singers for the choir.

Singers or would be singers were to see the music minister for a CD and book after services.

I said to Crystal, 'So you gonna drag me up there to sign up?'

'Nope, although I would like to, it's up to you, but you should just take the plunge and go for it.'

'This is a scary plunge.'

'Yep, but if you fall, Jesus will catch you.'

She is right, of course.

So I took the plunge and signed up, got my book and CD and told him I would try to make it Wednesday, I have to see if they will let me leave early from work.

I then came home, made dinner, so that DT could eat before he went off to work.

I cleaned up and laid down for a bit, setting the clock so I could go back to the church this evening for the new members tour. They were also looking for volunteers to help with the gifts for the shut ins.

Crystal called me at about 3:30. I was in a dead sleep.

'Are you going to church to help with the project before the tour?'

I blearily looked at the clock. I would never make it I thought since that was at 4.

I told her no, I wasn't gonna make it.

But then I thought, oh why not, I may be a little late, but at least I will be there.

I felt yucky from my nap so I dashed in the shower for a quick rinse, dressed and went out the door.

It took me way longer to get to church than I expected. The city was having their annual Christmas parade, and all the roads that I needed were blocked, I ended up turning around three times, had to come back by my house to get on the back road, and end up going way way out of my way.

But I did get there by 4:30.

I helped for a bit, then the Pastor gathered all us new members and we took the grand tour.

At the very end of the tour, I asked about the library/media room.

The Pastor started telling us about it, then mentioned that they need people to work in the library, cataloguing and sorting.

'PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!'

I didn't hesitate a moment, I jumped right in and volunteered.

I have been stumbling around in the church looking for where I fit in, and now I suddenly have two things.

The singing thing has been thrown in my face over and over, the shy part of me just didn't want to accept it.

And suddenly another opportunity comes out just when I least expect it.

Music and books, my two most favorite things.

My sister told me the last time I talked to her not to worry that God would lead me to where I belong, and that doors would suddenly open. I see that she was right, and it's awesome!

I prayed about it and just let it rest in God's hands, trusting Him to lead me where He wants me.

Now if I could just find it as easy to let go and trust Him in ALL aspects of my life.

But I guess as long as I am taking steps forward in my walk, even if they are baby steps, it's progress.

And I feel good, really really good, I am excited and uplifted and praising God!

2 Samuel 22:47

"The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!

Exalted be God, the Rock, my Savior!"