Monday, July 28, 2008

Time to tell

I have moved back to time to tell

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Standing up for myself

I have always had a hard time standing up for myself. I don't like confrontation and negativity for one thing, but sometimes I have to because I end up getting stepped all over and then some.

And I usually get to the point where enough is enough.

At work I am beginning to get really sick and tired of being taken advantage of, from the day shift leaving their unfinished work for me because they know I will do it to the Lead changing my schedule around all the time just because she can.

Now the thing with the scheduling has absolutely gotten on my last nerve and yesterday I put my foot down when she wanted to change my schedule again at the last minute.

Two weeks ago, another c0-worker told the lead that she needed tomorrow off because her husband has to have surgery. I was standing there when she told the lead and heard her quite clearly.

Yesterday, this co-worker reminded the lead and the lead got an attitude over it and when this co-worker was out of earshot she complained saying she should have told her sooner. Two weeks ago wasn't soon enough?

So she pulled out the schedule and first asked another co-worker if she could do it and she initially said yes, but then realized that she has an appointment tomorrow. The lead got snotty and said, 'Well, I CAN'T do it, I have an appointment!' even though she is already scheduled for tomorrow and all she would have to do is come in earlier.

Then she looked at me and said, 'Well, Deni is off Wednesday!'


I looked at her and said, 'Yeah and I would like to be off!'

In other words, NO.

I have not had two days off in a row in forever, because every time I am scheduled that way the lead changes my schedule and I am blamed tired of it.

And another thing, I am not trained to do this other person's job, even though I have learned a little from watching and helping there is a lot I don't know and I think that it's a bad deal to put someone in a spot who doesn't know what they are doing.

She really wasn't happy with me, but oh well, I found out that company policy says I don't have to work when I am not scheduled. I don't mind helping out but I have plans on getting some much needed things done around my house, and I just can't do it in one day. If I have one day off, then have to work three or five, by the time my next day off comes there is even more work and I just can't catch up.

Was this wrong of me to want the days off I was scheduled? Was it wrong for me to stand up and say no? I have gone into work every single time she has asked me to or changed my schedule without telling me first and I need a break, even two days is better than nothing.

I am feeling kind of selfish for not agreeing to work, but I am also a bit angry that they keep expecting me to change my plans for work. I work to live not live to work. My family and home comes first, and I am getting really disgusted with this job.

I am also disgusted with the stupid, petty, immature, spiteful things some co-workers do to one other one. These are grown women and they act like they are in junior high. They keep trying to drag me into it, and I won't have it.

I try to keep to myself, not say anything, but it's getting harder.

I just want to tell them to just cut it out already and grow up! It's ridiculous and they expect me to not talk to this person, help her or anything just because they don't like her. Well, she never did anything to me and I happen to like her, and I think she is getting a bum rap. She stays to herself, and tries to ignore their spitefulness as hard as it must be.

I am the type, I don't dislike a person based on what someone else tells me. I try to get to know people for who they are not based on someone else's perceptions. I would want someone to do that for me, so that is how I treat people. If I believed every thing people told me, then I would never talk to anyone. And I figure the ones who sit and gossip and back stab people would do the same to me in a heartbeat, so the women who are against this other co-worker are just showing me that they are not people I really want to associate with, instead of pushing me away from this co-worker, they are actually creating the opposite affect.

I try to be kind to every one, even people who I don't really like I will help, that is my nature. I always believed that kindness is a better way to go than being spiteful and mean, especially treating those who are mean as kindly as possible.

I also will not verbally take sides, I am not on anybody's side at work, I am there to do a job, earn a paycheck, I am not there to make friends or enemies. Making friends can be a nice benefit to working, but I am one who is very careful of who to make friends with, since I have been majorly burned in the past by so called 'friends'.

And after working there for almost nine months, I can see some really nasty personality traits in some people that I initially thought were nice people. Time brings people's true colors out eventually, and it makes me glad that I didn't pursue friendship with these people.

I am trying to figure out a way to handle this diplomatically, but these two women I am afraid would suddenly perceive me as an enemy if I say anything even though I want to just tell them to leave me out of it. Every time I even help this other co-worker they ask me why I am doing so, or like yesterday, asked me if I was on crack. No, I am not, I am doing my job, I believe in being a team player and helping my co-workers, and I really don't feel like standing around gossiping when I have work to do.

Am I wrong? How does one handle something like this? Especially as a Christian? I am finding it a difficult issue to deal with, and I don't even know who at work I can talk t about this, since the Lead seems to be on the their side, and the managers don't seem to care when you tell them anything and if you do nothing changes. I have tried to talk to two different managers about other issues but nothing was done.

So do I put up with it and just keep doing what I am doing? Is there a way to diffuse this?

I am starting to look at the want ads, there are so many things that I dislike about this job that it seems like my only option.

Sorry for the long rant, I needed to get this off my chest I guess and hoping maybe someone has a suggestion as to how to deal with it.

Monday, January 21, 2008's cold outside!

No more snow, the storm they called for on Saturday petered out and we only got a few flurries. Since then the temps have dropped in the teens, needless to say, we are freezing!

It's supposed to get up to forty degrees today, but who knows.

I caught the tail end of the play off game last night between the Green Bay Packers and the NY Giants, what a game! I wish I could have seen the whole game, but I was at work.

Tied in the fourth quarter, 20/20, they went into over time, and the Giants brought the game to an end at 23/20.

They are headed to the Super Bowl!

NY Giants against the undefeated New England Patriots, that should be one good game.

I am off Super Bowl Sunday, so I will be camped in front of the tv for the game.

With junk food.

And of course, hubby.

Who of course will want junk food.

You can't watch the Super Bowl without it.

I really don't have much to post, nothing much has happened. Every one seems to be hibernating as much as they can from the cold.

I have been working and haven't had much time to do anything at home. I am off tomorrow and Wednesday, and since I finally have two days off in a row, I want to get some things done around here.

Like take my Christmas tree down, yeah, it's still up. And I am sick of looking at it. DT took the decorations down that we had outside long ago, I just haven't had time to do the rest. So that is on my list of things to do.

Boo doesn't have school today, and she only has a half day tomorrow so we plan on ripping her bedroom apart and cleaning it really good. Maybe rearrange things a bit, I would like to get her bed away from the windows, the problem is that it's a queen size bed so finding a place for it may be a problem. The computer is also in her room and since there is only one place to hook it up to the Internet it pretty much has to stay where it's at. So that kills that corner.
And the closet is in the opposite corner, so there is limited possibilities.

Oh well, we will figure it out.

Well, I am off, I need to eat something, my tummy is complaining.

Have a good one, and stay warm!

Friday, January 18, 2008

A Rare Sight

We had snow, in North Carolina.

The first real snow we've seen since we moved here almost two years ago.

This is when it was still dark out, if you click on it, you will be able to see the shadows of the trees.

This is the view early in the morning yesterday from my front porch. You can see how it's already covering the grass.

This is the view of my back yard covered with snow.

Maggie and Wizard wondering what all the fuss is about.

The view of the trees in my back yard.

After the snow, we had rain and it washed it all away. It lasted maybe a day, but it was kind of nice, especially since there wasn't enough to have to shovel. I don't miss shoveling.

They are calling for more snow tomorrow. We shall see and maybe I will have more pics.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Walking the dog...and me.

DT keeps pointing out that Glory is getting fat.

Since her c-section and spay last year, she is packing on the pounds.

If DT would stop giving her pizza and chips then that would help.

In fact, if DT would stop eating pizza and chips he would lose the weight the doctor told him to. LOL

DT and I were also talking about how terrible we both feel physically, fatigued, unmotivated, lack of energy.

We have come to the conclusion that we are not getting enough exercise.

Part of DT's problem is that he has been working night shift for well over a year, with his insomnia it's hard for him to sleep during the day. Yesterday, he went on day shift, so now his body has to readjust to sleeping at night.

On night shift, it was really hard for him to even eat right, he would often grab something to eat out of the vending machines at work. Stuff that really is high in fat and cholesterol.

So between not sleeping and eating right and no exercise no wonder he feels terrible, has high cholesterol, is pre-diabetic and his thyroid is way out of whack.

So what's my problem?

I noticed when I am moving and doing I feel a whole lot better than when I am inactive.

DT has decided that he will start going to the gym after work with some of the guys to get on the treadmill.

I have decided since the dog is fat to start walking her in the mornings after I take Boo to school.

So this morning, even though it's crisp and cold out, I donned my coat and gloves, grabbed the leash and off we went for a twenty minute jaunt.

The dog must be really out of shape, when we got home, she plopped on her pillow due to her extreme workout. LOL Poor thing is exhausted.

Years ago, I used to walk everyday, eight to ten miles a day. Of course that was before I had to enter the working world, when my kids were young and still in school, and I had loads of free time.

I also did a lot of strength training at the time, and I remember feeling so good. I had energy, I was motivated, and I could handle things even mentally so much better.

So I am determined that I am going to start getting myself into a healthier lifestyle.

I am older now, and things hurt more, but when you are active and your muscles are strong, it helps the bones.

I am tired of feeling awful all the time, and I need to be pro active to get myself to feeling better.

I am also going to make a doctor appointment to get a full check up, to make sure there is nothing wrong.

I have also decided to cut out junk food, which is soooooo hard, especially since I work in a bakery.

Work is another thing. There is a lot of stress there lately, for one thing, I hate the scheduling. Every time they schedule me two days off in a row, the department manager changes the schedule and I end up working one of those days. Sunday is another problem, even though I talked to the manager a step above, they are still scheduling me at 11:00 on Sundays even though my availability says 1:00, and I really hate working Sundays, and they have been scheduling me EVERY Sunday.

There is also a mini war going on in our department between co workers, which I am trying my best to stay out of but they keep trying to pull me in. I prefer to be neutral. And it's such petty stuff, and is aggravating. Mostly two women are trying so hard to figure out how NOT to help one other woman that work isn't getting done and since I am the closer, I end up doing it. I don't mind working or doing tasks that fall on me, but it does get to be overwhelming. I tried to talk to another manager about it, but of course nothing was done and things are getting worse.

I am trying to see if God is leading me in another direction. I am praying about it, and I can see myself moving on to another job.

The most important thing on my job requirements is Sundays, then the second thing is a day job, now that Boo is done with internship.

This scheduling prevents me from serving in the church since most activities and committees are in the evenings and on Sundays.

I also feel like I have a lot of skills developed over the years that aren't being utilized. I am bored in my job and I feel like I am stagnating, there is no challenge.

I want to go in a different direction, but I don't know what direction.

I need to be patient, surely God will lead me and open doors where there were none.

And looking at the time, I really need to be off, since this is one of those days when I was supposed to be off but have to go in to work.


Sunday, January 13, 2008

Prayer Warrior

Prayer is so important in my life and I find myself praying throughout the day, in the shower, in the car, at work. When I hear of someone who is hurting, who has problems I immediately pray.

The funny thing about prayer is that the more you do it, the more you want to do it.

I get a daily message in my email of God's promises. Yesterday's had an interesting quote about prayer.

When we don't pray, we quit the fight.
Prayer keeps the Christian's armor bright.
And Satan trembles when he sees
The weakest saint upon his knees. WILLIAM COWPER

Daily prayer makes us stronger, in our faith, in our daily walk, and against the temptations of the world.

I am learning to include praise in my prayers, no matter what circumstances I am in. I praise Him because I know he hears and has already answered even if I don't see the answer right away. I praise Him in my prayers because it is pleasing to Him.

I have a little sister. She is truly my baby sister being fifteen years younger than me. She is not a Christian. She has a an eight year old daughter.

Three years ago, as she sat in her car waiting for a light to change, a moving truck rear ended her vehicle. It hit her so hard the trunk of her car was in her backseat.

God must have been watching out for them, her little girl who was just five at the time was in the back seat and didn't have a scratch on her.

My little sister however suffered major back damage to the point where the doctors had to cauterize the nerves in her back just to relieve the pain.

She has a law suit pending, and she is hinging all her hopes on it.

In the meantime, her common law husband left her. She hasn't worked since the accident, she has no money to pay bills, her rent hasn't been paid for five months, the gas company will be turning off her heat, and on and on.

Overwhelmed, and on anti depressants, she went out drinking to try and numb herself of the reality that has become her life.

She had a breakdown. The police took her to the hospital.

Her daughter was at a baby sitter's, but now she is in the foster care system, placed with my older sister who is trying to forge her way through the reams of paperwork in order to keep her.

My niece is traumatized to say the least.

Little sis is home but the problems are still there.

I spoke to her last night after praying all day that God would give me words.

I didn't want to be preachy or judgemental.

'I have been where you are at, and drinking is not the answer.'

'I know.'

'I don't want to lecture you, but you have to see that this has made things worse.'

'You're right.'

'I know you hate hearing this, but I am telling you anyway because I love you, that I AM praying for you.'

I am not praying that God will fix her finances or miraculously make all her problems go away, I am praying for her heart to be opened up to God and for her to turn to Him.

Being a Christian doesn't mean all of our problems magically disappear, they don't.

Being a Christian means we have Someone to turn to who will help us through all that life has to throw at us.

Previously I mentioned my own breakdown in 2000.

At the time I was depressed, suicidal, conflicted, hurting.

I sat on the side of my bed with a .38 special in my hand wanting so bad to end my misery.

As you can see, God brought me through that time.

The following years were anything but easy, and I often wavered back and forth between following God and following myself.

It has only been in the last year that I made a real commitment to God and I can honestly say that as my journey brings me closer and closer to God each day, my heart becomes lighter and lighter.

I still have bad moments, sad moments, hard times physically, emotionally and spiritually, but I also realized that satan wants me to stay down and that is when I pray.

A very smart man I know, a pastor and book author and lecturer said something in a sermon once that I remember to this day.

'Any renewed determination to obey God results in opposition (from satan).'

I have that written in my Bible.

There is a battle going on, a battle for our souls.

One weapon God has equipped us with is prayer.

I am praying.

Will you be a Prayer Warrior too?

Friday, January 11, 2008

I Can

Philippians 4
10I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

In this letter to the Philippians, Paul writes that he has learned to be content in whatever circumstances he was in. He spent much time in prison, but even from prison he continued to work for God.

How often we are not content with our own circumstances. I think about how often the Israelites grumbled and complained to God, and I realize that we are no different.

The Israelites even complained about the manna God sent them from Heaven so they would not starve in the wilderness.

I realize that I do my own share of whining to God, just because I think that things shouldn't be this way, because like the Israelites who tired of eating manna every day for forty years, I get tired of living paycheck to paycheck and struggling financially.

But I have realized something, my situation is the consequences of bad financial choices in the past, just as the Israelites choices resulted in them wandering in the wilderness for forty years, a whole generation never able to enter into the Promised Land.

For a long time I prayed for God to rescue us from this mess, maybe I expected some kind of major miracle, like a big fat check to suddenly arrive in the mail. I wanted it handed to me, as if I deserved it.

But sometimes God wants us to learn from our mistakes and He doesn't answer the way we want Him too.

Hubby said something a while back about this, he said that we made this mess and God wants us to work to get out of it.

In the above passage it also says 'I can do everything through Him who gives me strength'.

This tells me that even if I have to work to fix this mess, He will sustain me. When I feel weak, like I just can't go on one more day, He is there, holding me up and lending me His strength.

Yesterday I had a bad moment, and I ended up crying in the car and crying out to God, 'I give up, Lord! I just can't do it anymore!'

But when I think about it, really think about it, I realize that things could be worse, have been worse and the pile of bills is slowly getting smaller.

There are others in way worse situations than I am in. Yes, I am late on my mortgage, but there are others who don't have a home to live in. My daughter needs to see the eye doctor and get new contacts but there are others who are blind. I need a new heating system in my house, but my house is warm with the portable heaters and there are people who freeze to death. I may not always have a lot of food, but there are others who have no food at all. I can't afford to buy new clothes, but there are others wearing rags. I lay in bed at night and wake frequently from the pain from arthritis, but there are people who have worse pain than mine. I sometimes get angry with my husband, but there are others who are totally alone. I miss my family, but others don't have families to miss. I am not happy with my job, but so many others are unemployed.

I need to be thankful for the blessings I do have because in so many ways I am richer than many others. Not just financially but in family, in friends, in my church, spiritually and physically. I have my health, my abilities, and my talents. And most importantly, I have God, my Father who loves me and cares for me even when I don't deserve it.

I need to be content.

Lord, help me to be content.