Weakness

I am weak.

Yes, my faith especially.

Sometimes when things aren't quite right in my life, I am tempted to look to outward things of the world to make me feel better. These things sneak up on me, and wala, I feel a bit better. For a while.

But then it soon passes, what has happened?

Things of the world aren't lasting, a compliment from someone soon fades, things bought soon are forgotten or broken, clothes wear out, food is quickly consumed, and the list goes on and on.

And then when that happens we are off to seek the next thing that we think will make us happy, and if not happy, then maybe just better.

And it turns into a never ending merry-go-round, seeking and looking, and never quite achieving the happiness we seek.

Even Christians can fall into this trap.

We see something we want, or we feel something in our life is lacking, and too often we want what the world offers instead of seeking the One True Source of lasting joy and eternal peace.

Last night as I said in my last post, a man at work flirted with me. It was a HUGE ego boost, of course it was, and I basked in it, even if I didn't fall into the temptation of flirting back, I relished the feelings it invoked in me, and then my thoughts turned to what I perceive that I don't have.

A PERFECT MARRIAGE.

Show me one couple who has a perfect marriage and I will wash your feet.

On the surface maybe, but where you put two sinful people together you will eventually have some kind of problems.

Even Christian couples.

And I don't know where my husband stands spiritually. Oh, I know he believes in God, he believes in Jesus, but I am not sure where his heart lies. Only God knows that.

But this isn't about him, this is about me, and I am weak.

For a little while, I looked to something other than God to fill me.

Ok, now this is a shady area. There really is nothing wrong with receiving a compliment and enjoying it, what is wrong is when you try and replace the real source of joy with something so fleeting.

Nothing on earth can replace the Love God has for me. Nothing else can fill me and satisfy me.

I've been down the dark roads of life, and the places that those roads took me to left me empty and lonely. I was broken, embittered and hungry. Sin was an illusion, a fake, false satisfaction that never lasted longer than the moment, yet it deceived me over and over again, and I would think, 'Next time, next time it will be different, better, lasting.'

Oh, how wrong I was!

I thought I was in control, but I was out of control!

Last night was just a pale reflection of my past, a reminder of who I once had been. I am no longer that person, and I don't need a false sense of self-esteem to make me feel better.

All I need is my Lord, my Savior, the Lover of my soul.

My life is in His hands, and with Jesus by my side how can I be lonely?

Deuteronomy 31:8
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."